Christian Living In The Home
(Scriptural Foundation)
1. Christ Centred Home
2. Hope and Help for Your Family
3. Communication come first
4. Bible Basics about the family
5. Single persons
6. Word to the wives
7. Loving Leadership
8. Discipline with Dignity
9. How to live with an unbelieving husband
10. Conclusion.
(Book written by J.E. Adams, “Christian Living in the Home” Presbyterian and Reformed Publishing Company, New Jersey, 1972)
Building a Strong Family is a challenge in the best of times.
Marriage is redefined, and Biblical approaches to discipline are under constant fire, and “family values” is becoming a campaign slogan than a personal priority of elected officials.
Stable homes have become a quaint anomaly, and it is not a norm any more. Jay E. Adams calls us to carefully check on the erosion of home and family as the basic unit of society and calls us to apply Scriptural principles and understand them carefully.
This little book gives Biblical advice on Christ-centered family living, communicating with family members, family guidance and discipline, living with an unbelieving spouse and many other areas.
1. Christ Centred Home
If you are a Christian you are concerned about this problem!
Definition of a Christian Home: “A truly Christian home is a place where sinners live; it is also a place where members of the home admit the fact and understand the problem, know what to do about it, and as a result grow by grace”.
a. Christians admit their sins: The Bible calls us to do so (1 Jn 1:8-10). There is no place for rationalization, excuses, or blame shifting. The freedom to accept the truth brings repentance, and forgiveness from God and from the neighbour is possible.
b. Christians know what to do about their sins: Scriptures give guidance.
c. Christians progress out of their sins: (Col 2:3). Sinners live in the Christian homes, but the sinless Saviour lives there too and that makes all the difference!!
2. Hope and Help for Your Family
We are told by sociologists, psychologists, that Christian homes have failed and as a result church has failed!! Medical model calls everything a ‘disease’ and Bible calls “all have sinned” and fallen short of the glory of God!
Examples:
Worry ---.> ulcers
Fear ----- paralyses one from moving forward
Resentment ------------- colitis
Sickness is not the cause of the problem, but the cause in each of the above case is SIN.
Biblical Examples: Fall of man, City of Corinth, Israelites in the desert and so on.
Men of all ages are human beings made in His image, marred by sin. God is still the same, and sin is still the same, and human beings behave in the same fashion, but for the sacrificial death of Christ on the cross to redeem mankind. God in His providence has made available means of handling difficulties even by the rapid transportation, communication, computers, ipods and ipads and so forth. In the midst of it all, the basics are still the basics. Man’s basic problem and God’s basic solution remain unchanged.
3. Communication comes first.
Book of Ephesians 5:22-32, Paul discusses marriage relationship in particular.
Paul addresses wives (v.22); and then the husbands (v.25). He describes the fundamental roles of relationships between them.
Eph: 6: 1; (speaks first to children); and Eph 6:4 (speaks to the parents)
Eph 6: 5 (speaks of the working or business relationships as he exhorts the slaves).
Eph: 6:6 (speaking to the masters)
Ephesians 5 and 6, Paul talks about the basic human relationships that Christians and other men must sustain.
Parallel passage: Col 3:18-4:1; The order is the order of life’s priorities. (Husband and wife relationships; then parent-child relationships; and lastly employer-employee relationships. One’s spouse, his children, and his work should be placed in that unvarying order; only tragic results come from reversals or shifts in these priorities).
Eph 1-3; talks about how God, from the foundation of the world, planned in time executed that redemption in the coming of Jesus, who shed His blood on the cross.
Eph 4; Paul turns from the more doctrinal and doxological materials to practical exhortations. Talks about walking in unity, spiritual gifts, the new man, and living and growing in Christ into His likeness. Talks about our former sinful ways with our new ways of walking with Christ. Christian relationships must unify and cause growth not only individually but also corporately.
Eph 5; speaks about walking ‘in love’ walking as children of light and being careful about the walk. Christian’s walk in Ephesians 4 and 5 is the integral part of the discussion of basic Christian relationships. This walk is not a solitary walk BUT A WALK OF ONE BELIEVER WITH OTHER and More so in a Christian marriage.
Practical Questions: How can a Christian grow in his interpersonal relationships?
Eph: 5:22-32.
Paul’s analysis of communication begins at Eph 4:25“Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members of one another.” Christians can not walk together unless they do so, on the basis of honesty, openness and truth. As members who function together in the same body, we must have truth in order to work in concert. Christian communication is explained in Eph 4; and let us turn our attention to Eph 5 22-32.
(I have stories in my counselling ministry that misunderstanding comes greatly when there is no open, honest communication)
How to handle problems? It is always wiser to attack the problem than the people with repentance. The whole picture changes when we discover the joy of researching issues Biblically. When the communication is straightened out, it is very much possible for the issues to be solved.
Christians can learn to live without bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, slander and malice. Learn to maintain an attitude of good will toward one another, and ask God special grace not to be selfish. When a couple has the wrong attitude towards each other life’s problems grow thick and tall. The wrong attitudes can be over thrown only by being ‘Kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another just as God in Christ has forgiven’. It was for law breakers Jesus Christ suffered on the cross, and we are called to love one another just like Jesus Christ.
What is love? Love is not a feeling, but at first can be expressed as giving. To love, one must give of ourselves, our time, our substance and whatever it takes to show love, because giving is fundamental to the Biblical idea of love.
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” Jn 3:16.
“I am crucified with Christ nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me;” Gal 2:20.
“Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; ; if he thirst give him a drink; for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head” Rom 12:20.
It is always with giving love begins, and the spirit of giving brings a new atmosphere into any home. In this new atmosphere love may grow and thrive.
Questions to our heart:
1. Write down one thing which you need to do in order to establish communication at your home with your spouse?
2. Think of one sin you have to confess to God and to your spouse which would lead to a stronger relationship with Jesus Christ and with your spouse.
Bible Basics about the Family
Basic Biblical principles, its foundations are shaking and it is on attack on all sides. The institution of marriage is on huge attack, which is the first Divine institution God has ordained. God’s Word uses the words covenant relationship; reasserted that God ordained marriage, and marriage is not an option. Proverbs 2:17, talks about adulteress who flatters with her words, who “leaves the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God.” A covenant in Scripture is a solemn arrangement involving a ruler and a subject. When one enters into a covenant, he enters into the most solemn and binding arrangement of all.
1. Mal 2:14, God argues that a wife is a companion and your wife by covenant. A marriage is a covenant made in the presence of God. God ordained it and it is not optional. Gen 2:18-24; God insists that as a norm, that, “it is not good for a man to be alone, and a man must leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.”
2. Marriage is good, because it was instituted by God before the Fall. Many people joke about marriage, play it down as though it was instituted by Satan. Sexual relationship between married couples was God ordained, and it is beautiful; Heb 13:4; Eph 5:22-33; Rev 19: 7-9; 21: 2. God considers marriage holy and righteous, and so it is called ‘holy matrimony’.
3. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7 about an exceptional situation and did not set it as a rule of norm. He was talking about celibacy as an emergency measure, and it was easier for individuals than for families to face persecution. 1 Cori 7:29-31a, Paul recommended celibacy over marriage in times of persecution. Celibacy is not a higher state than marriage.
4. God created woman for Adam because He said that celibacy is not good. It is therefore better for a man to be married. A man needs a woman.
What is a woman?
Gen 2: 18, says she is a helper. King James Version says. “help meet”. Woman was created as a help meet for man, which means appropriate and suitable for man. She corresponds to and complements man at every point, and completes a man.
(Very often I tell my husband one thing: “All that you do not have, I have and that is the reason God has given me to you.”)- ‘help meet’
Woman was created as a suitable helper to stand with him in life to help in every way (Eph 5:22-33; in a Godly home). This is a key factor which has disappeared from contemporary modern thinking. This is God’s definitive word about her role.
It is precisely by considering herself as a helper a woman is liberated. Woman’s liberation movements fail to recognize this, and unwittingly consign a woman to a life of slavery. As a helper she complements him, and completes him and the man and the woman becomes one flesh Gen 2:24. They become one complete unit, and as they come together physically, emotionally, intellectually there is a wholeness that did not exist before.
(Illustration: slice an orange and fit it again; that is the fit God is talking about in a marriage)
Man and woman need each other and when God gives the gift of celibacy He also provides the grace to live in an incomplete manner. Their completeness must be found in Him and this is not His ordinary way of doing things.
5. We all need some one with whom we can intimately open our hearts! Pro 2:17; Mal 2:14 talks about companionship which is the basic purpose of marriage. All of us have a need for intimacy and marriage meets that need. It is good to have someone with whom one may discuss ideas, think through problems, talk about issues, and offer another view point.
6. Wife is husband’s biological counterpart. 1 Cor 7:1-2; Paul stresses that if the person does not have the gift of celibacy from God, he ought to get married. Sex is not intended to be self-oriented but partner-oriented. Every self-oriented manifestation is a perversion of sex. Sex may be enjoyed but only according to the Biblical principle that “it is more blessed to give than to receive.” Husbands and wives are required to satisfy the partners, and the most enjoyable aspect of sexual intercourse is in the pleasure of satisfying one’s marriage partner. Husbands should not withhold his body to get even with his wife, and wife may not use sex as a bargaining factor.
7. Child bearing: It is wonderful to have the quiver full of children Psalm 127; and they are a heritage from the Lord. God blessed them and asked them to be fruitful and multiply Gen 1:28.
8. They shall become one flesh Gen 2:24; “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and he shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Leaving, cleaving, and weaving are important in marriage, and this should not be forgotten. This principle avoids much heartache in marriages. When a man marries he no longer sustains the same relationship to his parents, but must become the head of a new decision –making unit that we call it a family. When the young man allows himself to be pulled apart by his mother and wife instead of obeying God’s Word everyone suffers.
The most basic family relationship is not the parent-child relationship, but rather the husband –wife relationship. This is a Divine institution God has ordained. According to Scriptures this relationship is permanent and should never be broken.
• In our society parent-child relationship has become more significant, to the detriment of children and marriage partners alike. This is in direct opposition to God’s Word. The most harmful thing parent can do to their children is to build their lives around them. Children need to see parents loving and living with each other.
• The obligation to see that there is love in the family, and the husband-wife relationship is going strong, falls most strongly on the husband as the head of the home, because Christ has made it as husband’s job.
Exercise: Husbands if, you think this Biblical pattern is not there why not take your wife for supper tonight and discuss this question.
Design a Chart of your problems, and solutions.
3. Single persons: finding a mate.
It is said in God’s Word that marriage is the normal state for adults. Each individual has his gifts from God and marriage or able to remain single are a gift from God. “And we know that all things (even gifts for marriage or single life) work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose”. Rom 8:28.
Gift of marriage: How do we know we have this gift of marriage? What does one do if she/him discovers they have this gift of marriage?
a. Pray about this matter, and this prayer must be coupled with work; “If any man will not work, neither should he eat” 2 Thess 3: 10.
b. Prepare yourself for marriage: Rev 21:2; Rev 19: 7, 8; Prov 31:30; 1 Pet 3:3-5. Develop your Christian personality and in the case of a woman be a vital Christian, attractive and be an irresistible woman.
c. Proceed towards your goal: Whatever you do, do something about your situation, (meet people where Christian youth are) and in confident quietness wait for God to work, and powerfully commit the rest into God’s wise hands. Generally in an Asian setting prospective bride and groom were introduced unlike our Western setting.
Myth of compatibility: Compatibility is the word not used in Scriptures and the biblical fact is no two people are compatible regardless of whether their backgrounds were similar or not. We are all born sinners and hence we by nature are incompatible people. For two people to be compatible they first must become Christians and then work by God’s abundant grace very hard towards the task of becoming compatible. In other words, people are not born compatible, but become compatible eventually by the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit in our lives.
How do you choose your mate? There are 2 absolute essentials:
1. The other person is also a Christian.
2. The two people not only desire to, but growingly give evidence of an ability to face, talk over, and solve problems together from God’s Word in God’ way.
Before making commitments check if you could work together and solve problems Biblically. Whenever God is at work, He gives not only the desire but also the ability to carry it through Phil 2: 13; 2 Cor 8:10.
Sum up: Discover your gifts, develop your gifts, and demonstrate your gifts. One can develop a single person’s personal inventory table which contains: Who am I, What does God want me to be? Spiritual life, Prayer and meditating on God’s Word, Preparation for marriage: domestic, physical, and Christian personality and progress toward this goal.
4. To Wives: Eph 4 & 5
Communication is so vital and without this no proper role and relationships exists in the home. Crucial verses based on the creation ordinances expand the Christian’s concept of marriage is seen in Eph 5: 22-33.
God’s Word to wives Eph 5: 22-24; “Wives be subjective to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, He Himself is the Saviour of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” Usually when there is a role reversal there are many problems in marriage. Reversal of role lead to further problems, which often lead to further reversals, ad infinitum.
Questions to husbands and wives:
1. Husbands, do you love your wives to die for them?
2. Wives, do you love your husbands to live for them?
God expects wives to love their husbands so much that submission becomes very willing, as church is subject to the Lord! and Eph 5, is an inspired Word of God.
Paul wrote by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit and he had a larger reason for saying what he said. If any one thinks, Paul was not gracious, let us look at the closing chapters of the Book of Romans. When he talked about the subordinate roles of women in 1 Corinthians and 1 Timothy he did not based his arguments on the mores of his culture but based it on the order of Creation.
It is all about Biblical submission, and one will be pleasantly surprised to know what it is! What really brings freedom? When followed the rules, and running on the track! Freedom in God’s world never comes apart from structure, and one is free to live as God intended. Talk about woman’s liberation: genuine liberation comes when allowed to run on the track, and when she makes beautiful music in her home. The principle of submission runs through all of life, and it pertains a relationship 1 Tim 2:11-15; 1 Cor 14: 34, 35.
What does submission involve?
1. Submission is not doing husband’s bidding without question or suggestion. That sort of submission may be an Islamic, or old Japanese picture and not a Biblical picture. Biblically a woman’s God given gifts must neither be ignored nor suppressed.
2. A man is supposed to exert Christian leadership at home 1 Tim 3: 4-5 managing his household, and children and with dignity. He is to recognize that God had given his wife as a helper, and he will not want to squash her personality, but bring it to the fullest flower.
Example: Pro 31: 10, picture of a truly liberated woman and her husband knows to bring out her true potential. This woman recognizes her task is to help him, love him and do good all the days of her life. The Biblical picture of a liberated woman is described as one who delights to do her job. An ideal woman is compared to a merchant ship, and one who deals with real estate, gives to the poor, and one who cares for her family because she is not afraid of snow. Because of her worth, the bible says her husband rises up to a place of prominence in society. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and her children rise up to praise her, and her husband too praises her Pro 31: 28-31.
In any organization some one has to be answerable, and in the case of the family God has appointed the man as the head to be answerable to Him for the smooth running, and his wife is the helper. Wives are supposed to submit, and the only exception is: if your husband should ever require you to do some thing that is a direct violation of a plain commandment of God. When conflict arises that means there are 2 authorities in conflict, and remember that God does not act against His own authority. (Here we are talking about Godly Leadership as mentioned in God’s Word)
Wives check list can be on: House work, child discipline, sexual relations, social relationships, work outside, and husband’s helper.
5. Loving Leadership: To see love in your home is husband’s job. Eph 5: 25-33; Aspire to nothing less in your relationship to your wife, and husbands are to emulate Christ in all their ways. To be like Jesus Christ in relationship to your wife is an enormous order to fill. When husbands fail, they not only fail their wife, but also fail to represent Lord’s love for His church. If it is hard for wives to follow what is required of them, calling for husbands is harder! That relationship has to be perfect, because Christ and church relationship is perfect. This task is too great for sinful weak human beings. It is only as the Spirit of God works in your life that you can begin to approximate the Lord’s loving leadership over His church. Husbands had to be the head of the home, including your wife, just as Christ is the head of the church. That is the reason husband’s task is such a solemn one. When you fail to reflect Him (Christ) in your marriage, you damage His (Christ’s) Name.
Man and women had to emulate Christ by obedience to all His commands and the distinction is one of roles only.
Christ’s authority in the home is centred in the husband and not on the wife or children; God deposited His authority primarily on the husband and it is his responsibility to see that is exercised in ways that honour Christ. (He therefore more grievously misrepresents Christ to others when he fails!!!) Ref: Qualification of Elders 1 Tim 2:11-13; Eph 1:22; 5:22-32; 1 Pet 3:7. Please note that the headship does not mean crushing a wife’s talents and gifts, rather he recognizes it and uses it to the fullest. Husbands ought not to expect a woman to act like men and must be tender and understanding towards her. Headship does not mean authority but a loving leadership so deeply influenced by the love of Jesus Christ that the husband is at length able to love his wife as Christ loved the church; that is enough to die for her.
Col 3:18-19; husbands are not to be bitter against her whenever she does something wrong simply because you are managing the show. Husbands do you care for your wife even as nearly as you care for your body? Do you take time to listen to her? If she is unhappy, can you still be happy? Come back to love: Jn 3:16; Gal 2:20; Love is not a feeling, rather a giving of oneself to the other.
(World has distorted love: Hollywood, television screens, modern music etc…)
*Love does not come as fools believe, full blown from the head of Aphrodite; it must grow, watered, nourished, cared for, cultivated, and weeded too. It has real problems, but real love can grow tall and strong when cultivated as God says; and it is a process. Husband’s love for his wife can permeate all situations and establish love at home. When a wife is fully loved by the husband she is fully under his control and she will be very submissive. She is built that way.
Use a Check list on the following:
Am I truly the head of the home?
Do I know what is happening in my home day to day?
Am I in control of what is happening, leading the family in the direction in which it is moving?
Can I love my wife and children?
Do I truly love my wife and give myself for her? (List 2)
Do I assume responsible leadership over my family?
List 10 ways in which you begin to show love to your wife?
6. Discipline with Dignity
Eph 6: 1-4 (Discipline & instruction from the Lord; father’s responsibility); 2Tim 1:5; Tit 2: 3-5; Deut 6.
Under discipline: ‘One can teach discipline and obedience better with one rule properly enforced than with many rules you could not follow up.’ The Lord gave only 10 commandments for our life and there was one rule. Obedience was centred on it, and the penalty was clearly spelled out.
Divided authority can cause problems and the solution is that parents should think through before implementing it. Children are astute and when the parents are not in agreement they can see through it and drive a few wedges of their own!!
Failure to handle Biblically the situation.
Frustration methods rather than methods ‘with dignity’ cause problems. Frustration and yelling etc...
Over discipline: This could provoke children at some instances to anger.
Dads can not misuse God’s authority and flaunting authority is wrong. If God’s commandments are not grievous 1Jn 5:3, why should ours be?
Family Devotions should be family oriented and not children oriented. Children need to see how their parents settle down disagreements.
The children should be encouraged Biblically and with love; encourage them when they do good things! Remember the first commandment has a promise attached to it. Use rewards and incentives in teaching discipline to children.
Discipline and Instruction: Eph 6:4; Deut 11:1; and Paul also asked the parents not to exasperate the children. Always keep in mind that God disciplines His children.
7. How to live with an unbelieving husband?
It is not uncommon to find Christian women married to unbelieving husbands.
At the Cross of Jesus:
Women remained and men fled!!
Disciples were gone but the women remained!!
Wondered who their husbands were and where they were?
Ref: 1 Cori 7:39, Paul says Christians must marry only in the Lord. This is a clear cut commandment.
A Christian may not abandon his unbelieving partner; 1 Cori 7:12-16.
The presence of the faithful person sanctifies, or sets apart; Gen 18: 22-33.
The fruit of the Holy Spirit who dwells within the believer is in that home and His work may be tasted and His power may be seen by others: Heb 6: 4-5.
If the unbelieving partner leaves the story changes: 1 Cori 7: 15-16.
Read: 1 Pet 3:1-8
Prov 31: 10-31
Prov 5: 15-20
Home work:
a. What am I doing right?
b. B. What am I doing wrong?
c. What does God want me to do to correct my behaviour?
Conclusion:
If you have recognized some of the failures in your family, why not do something about it?
Biblical plan:
a. Make a full list of all things you have been doing wrong in your marriage (take the log out of your own eye before you begin)
Use a work sheet; be specific: example: speak harsh words; throw socks on the floor….
b. Confess your sins in repentance to God.
c. Determine to change Biblically.
d. Go humbly to your spouse and ask for forgiveness.
e. Seek to rectify any wrongs immediately; follow Biblical pattern of building up your spouse.
f. Seek outside Biblical counsellor’s help if necessary.
References:
1. Jay E. Adams, “Christian Living in the Home” (New Jersey: Presbyterian Publishing Company, 1972)
2. Jay E. Adams, ‘A Theology of Christian Counselling’ “More than Redemption” (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1979)
3. Dr. Larry Crabb, Effective Biblical Counselling; ‘A Model for Helping Caring Christians Become Capable Counsellors’’ (Great Britain: Harper Collins Publishers, 1977)
4. Quick Scripture Reference for Counselling; Third edition- John G. Kruis (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1988, 1994, 2000)
5. The Matthew Henry Study Bible, ‘The best of Matthew Henry’s notes in a handy one volume’ Reference Bible, King James Version (Iowa Falls: World Bible Publishers, Inc.1996)
6. Thomas Nelson, ‘The Holy Bible Containing the Old and New Testaments’ (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1982)
7. J. Vernon McGee, ‘Psalms’ (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1991)
Friday, November 19, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
What is Visualization? Is it Biblical?
Creative visualization (sports visualization) refers to the practice of seeking to affect the outer world via changing one's thoughts.[1] Creative Visualization is the basic technique underlying positive thinking [2] and is frequently used by athletes to enhance their performance.[3][4] The concept originally arose in the US with the nineteenth century New Thought movement. One of the first Americans to practice the technique of creative visualization was Wallace Wattles (1860–1911), who wrote The Science of Getting Rich [5]. In this book, Wattles advocates creative visualization as the main technique for realizing one's goals; a practice that stems from the Hindu Monistic theory of the Universe that is subscribed to by the book.[6]
Creative visualization is the technique of using one's imagination to visualize specific behaviors or events occurring in one's life.[7] Advocates suggest creating a detailed schema of what one desires and then visualizing it over and over again with all of the senses (i.e., what do you see? what do you feel? what do you hear? what does it smell like?).[8][9] For example, in sports a golfer may visualize the "perfect" stroke over and over again to mentally train muscle memory.[10]
This is dangerous and we Christians are called to be alert to this is ‘New Age’ Techniques. The above is evil and one of the major deceptions of the “end times”. Isa: 5:20-22; Tells us woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, and those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight.
We are called to live by the Spirit and put off the acts of the former sinful nature and seek the fruit of the Spirit; Gal: 5:19-26. Bible says in the last days even the elect will be deceived. Let us not be content to be an immature Christian, as was the case with many Hebrew believers! Heb: 5:11- 6:4. Abundant life is with God the Father, through Lord Jesus Christ because He is the way the truth and the life. And only His Spirit will be able to guide and lead us in this path of truth.
Websites and References:
1. S Noah . “Application of Information Visualization Techniques” Web: April 30, 2010.
www.springerlink.com/index/y132752w10n4501l.pdf
2. Schmitt, Suzan “Money Visualization Techniques” Web Mar 12, 2010 and 28 Feb 2010, accessed April 30th 2010
www.articlesbase.com/.../money-visualization-techniques-3-powerful-ways-to-attract-massive-wealth-and-happiness-1920245.html - United States
3. http//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ Creative_ visualization#cite_note-o# web: April 30th 2010.
4. Jay E.Adams, ‘The Christian Counselor’s Manual, ‘The Practice of Nouthetic Counseling’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1973, p.92-97)
5. John G. Kruis, ‘Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling; (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, Third edition, p.23-24)
6. David G. Benner & Peter C. Hill, ‘Baker Encyclopaedia of Psychology & Counseling’ Second Edition, (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1985, 1999, p.621-625)
Creative visualization is the technique of using one's imagination to visualize specific behaviors or events occurring in one's life.[7] Advocates suggest creating a detailed schema of what one desires and then visualizing it over and over again with all of the senses (i.e., what do you see? what do you feel? what do you hear? what does it smell like?).[8][9] For example, in sports a golfer may visualize the "perfect" stroke over and over again to mentally train muscle memory.[10]
This is dangerous and we Christians are called to be alert to this is ‘New Age’ Techniques. The above is evil and one of the major deceptions of the “end times”. Isa: 5:20-22; Tells us woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, and those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight.
We are called to live by the Spirit and put off the acts of the former sinful nature and seek the fruit of the Spirit; Gal: 5:19-26. Bible says in the last days even the elect will be deceived. Let us not be content to be an immature Christian, as was the case with many Hebrew believers! Heb: 5:11- 6:4. Abundant life is with God the Father, through Lord Jesus Christ because He is the way the truth and the life. And only His Spirit will be able to guide and lead us in this path of truth.
Websites and References:
1. S Noah . “Application of Information Visualization Techniques” Web: April 30, 2010.
www.springerlink.com/index/y132752w10n4501l.pdf
2. Schmitt, Suzan “Money Visualization Techniques” Web Mar 12, 2010 and 28 Feb 2010, accessed April 30th 2010
www.articlesbase.com/.../money-visualization-techniques-3-powerful-ways-to-attract-massive-wealth-and-happiness-1920245.html - United States
3. http//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ Creative_ visualization#cite_note-o# web: April 30th 2010.
4. Jay E.Adams, ‘The Christian Counselor’s Manual, ‘The Practice of Nouthetic Counseling’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1973, p.92-97)
5. John G. Kruis, ‘Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling; (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, Third edition, p.23-24)
6. David G. Benner & Peter C. Hill, ‘Baker Encyclopaedia of Psychology & Counseling’ Second Edition, (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1985, 1999, p.621-625)
Monday, September 27, 2010
Scriptures sufficient for biblical counseling?
Scriptures are sufficient for Biblical counseling; Counseling must be biblically based; biblically accurate and biblically appropriate. It should be based on the Bible alone, and never on mere human ideas and observations. The Scripture is thoroughly adequate, the source of truth, whereas human knowledge is unable to effectively address the problems we face in life.
The Bible is practical: The Bible is not simply a theological treatise expounding on esoteric doctrinal subjects; instead it is a lamp unto our feet and a light to our path (Psa: 119:105). Bible teaches us how to live every day in a way to please God, and helps us to solve our problems. It is God’s chart to guide us and it is a love letter from God to us.
The Bible is comprehensive: Scriptures should be basis for all our counseling sessions because it deals with all the issues of life that are necessary for us to understand. “His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence.” 2 Pet: 1:3. The truth of the above Scripture certainly indicates that any secular psychological research or theory is unnecessary (at best) in the process of helping people to change spiritually.
The Bible is trust worthy: It is the only book which deals with the practical problems of life in an absolutely reliable and trustworthy fashion.” The judgements of the Lord are true; they are righteous altogether;” Psa: 19:9. “Forever, O Lord, Thy Word is settled in heaven;” Psa: 119:89. “I esteem right all Thy precepts concerning everything…;” Psa: 119:128. “The sum of Thy Word is truth, and every one of Thy righteous ordinances is everlasting;” Psa: 119:160.
The above yield a biblical epistemology that casts suspicion on any claims about human nature or spiritual truth that are not taught by Scripture. According to that epistemology, we as fallen and finite human beings can not discover the absolute truth without the special revelation of God. Our knowledge is limited because only so much we can observe and so much we can understand because of our finiteness. God on the other hand, is infinite in His knowledge and understanding; Isa: 40:14; Isa: 46:9-10. God knows the past, the present, the future, understand every part of us and every part of the world perfectly and was pleased to reveal His truth in His Word.
Apart from the Divine revelation we can not know anything absolutely because our minds have been adversely affected by sin. In our Fallenness our sinful minds tent to distort the truth. The only way we can think rightly is to allow the Holy Spirit to renew our minds. Rom 1:18-32; 12:2; Eph: 4:23. In our finiteness and fallenness we have no standard by which we can evaluate whether something is true of false except the Word of God. I will have a healthy skepticism about any theory or insight that does not proceed from Scripture.
The Bible is adequate: We have every thing we need in the Word of God to make us adequate and complete and we can not add anything to completeness. “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work;” 2 Tim 3:16-17.
‘A man who has the Bible, and the Holy Spirit in his heart, has everything which is absolutely needful to make him spiritually wise….. he has got the infallible guide, and wants no other’. - J.C. Ryle.
Scriptures are inspired by the Spirit of God, so in Biblical counselling Holy Spirit play an important role: Holy Spirit gives guidance for using the appropriate Scriptures while praying for spiritual issues, gives ‘inner promptings’ or nudges, can release healing power directly during a counselling session and brings healing and wholeness, enable the counsellor to discern the presence of ‘demonic influence’ and lead the counsellor for appropriate prayer for deliverance, and lead the counsellor to practice spiritual discipline on a regular basis.
The Bible is the only true love letter: This is God’s genuine love letter for man.
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have ever lasting life.” John: 3:16. Freudian gospel may give a temporary experience of ecstasy, and even a bit of ‘security bout’ it is only an illusion.
Bible is practical, comprehensive, trustworthy and adequate and so as a Biblical counsellor I will study it zealously, meditate on it deeply, pray pointedly and communicate it accurately with my counselees, and it is sufficient for Biblical counseling. Scriptures have enduring power, imperial power Rom 1:16, Heb 4:12, sanctifying power Jn 17:17, Jer 31:33, revealing power, prevailing power and is very prophetic. Bible is God’s Word to man, attested by the Son of God, originated with and employed by the Spirit of God. It is authoritative because their own claims are fully vindicated, not due to human recognition but to the fact it is ‘inspired’ of God.
The Bible is Profitable: God’s Word for us is to transform lives for His glory; 2 Tim 2:15; 2 Pet 3:16. It has the transforming power to change the counsellor and the counselee into a more Christ like person.
The Bible talk about God’s General and Specific Revelation to people: General revelation reaches to all people; Matt: 5:45; Acts 14:17. It is very general in Geography; and it encompasses the whole globe Ps: 19:2. It is general in its methodology and it employs the universal means like the heat of the sun Psa: 19:4; and human conscience Rom: 2:14-15. It is a revelation that affects all people whenever they have lived it can bring light and truth to all, or if rejected, brings condemnation.1 The effect of general revelation is the guilt imputed to humans for aversion to our Creator and adopting idolatry Isa 44:9-20; Rom 1:21-23. Special revelation includes details about God’s person, nature and His plan for human life. Those acts of God whereby He makes Himself and His truth known at special times and to specific people.2
All true Biblical counselling must be done by God’s Word, and Spirit’s power, truth, love and under the Lordship of Christ, and to the glory of God.
End Notes:
1. Charles C. Ryrie, Basic Theology (Wheaton: Victor, 1988), 28. Compare Erickson’s concise definition of general revelation: Revelation which is available to all; persons at all times…..” (Erickson, Concise Dictionary)
2 Thiessen, Systematic Theology, 35. Compare Erickson’s definition: “God’s manifestation of Himself at particular times and places through particular events…” (Concise Dictionary, 144).
References:
1. John F. MacArthur, JR. Wayne A. Mack & The Master’s College Faculty, ‘Introduction To Biblical Counseling’, “A Basic Guide To The Principles And Practice Of Counseling”(Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers,1994, P. 76-77)
2. Jay E. Adams, ‘The Christian Counselor’s Manual, The Practice of Nouthetic Counseling’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1973, p. 15-16, 21-23; 92-97)
3. Jay E. Adams, ‘Lectures on Counseling’ (Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1978, p.192-203)
4. Lewis Sperry Chafer, ‘Systematic Theology’ Volume One, Abridged edition, John F. Walvoord, Editor, Donald K. Campbell, Roy B. Zuck, Consulting Editors, (Indiana: BMH Books, 1988, p. 94-95)
5. Wim Malgo, ‘Biblical Counseling’ From Twenty- Five Years of the International Ministry by Wim Malgo, (Columbia: The Mid Night Call, 1979, p.9-12; 20-21)
6. Gary L. Almy, M.D., ‘How Christian is Christian Counseling?’ The Dangerous Secular Influences That Keep Us From Caring For Souls, (Illinois: Crossway Books, Good News Publishers, 2000, p. 56-63)
7. J. I. Packer, Author of Knowing God, ‘Concise Theology’ A Guide To Historic Christian Beliefs, (Illinois: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc, 1993, p. 3-22)
6. Jay E. Adams, ‘Critical Stages of Biblical Counseling’ Finishing Well, Breaking Through, Getting Started, (New Jersey: Zondervan, 2002, p.6-7)
7. Jay E. Adams, ‘How to Help People Change’ The Four-step Biblical Process, (Grand rapids: Zondervan, 1986, p. 20-28)
8. David G. Benner & Peter C. Hill, ‘Baker Encyclopaedia of Psychology & Counseling’ Second Edition, (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1985, 1999, p.568-569)
The Bible is practical: The Bible is not simply a theological treatise expounding on esoteric doctrinal subjects; instead it is a lamp unto our feet and a light to our path (Psa: 119:105). Bible teaches us how to live every day in a way to please God, and helps us to solve our problems. It is God’s chart to guide us and it is a love letter from God to us.
The Bible is comprehensive: Scriptures should be basis for all our counseling sessions because it deals with all the issues of life that are necessary for us to understand. “His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence.” 2 Pet: 1:3. The truth of the above Scripture certainly indicates that any secular psychological research or theory is unnecessary (at best) in the process of helping people to change spiritually.
The Bible is trust worthy: It is the only book which deals with the practical problems of life in an absolutely reliable and trustworthy fashion.” The judgements of the Lord are true; they are righteous altogether;” Psa: 19:9. “Forever, O Lord, Thy Word is settled in heaven;” Psa: 119:89. “I esteem right all Thy precepts concerning everything…;” Psa: 119:128. “The sum of Thy Word is truth, and every one of Thy righteous ordinances is everlasting;” Psa: 119:160.
The above yield a biblical epistemology that casts suspicion on any claims about human nature or spiritual truth that are not taught by Scripture. According to that epistemology, we as fallen and finite human beings can not discover the absolute truth without the special revelation of God. Our knowledge is limited because only so much we can observe and so much we can understand because of our finiteness. God on the other hand, is infinite in His knowledge and understanding; Isa: 40:14; Isa: 46:9-10. God knows the past, the present, the future, understand every part of us and every part of the world perfectly and was pleased to reveal His truth in His Word.
Apart from the Divine revelation we can not know anything absolutely because our minds have been adversely affected by sin. In our Fallenness our sinful minds tent to distort the truth. The only way we can think rightly is to allow the Holy Spirit to renew our minds. Rom 1:18-32; 12:2; Eph: 4:23. In our finiteness and fallenness we have no standard by which we can evaluate whether something is true of false except the Word of God. I will have a healthy skepticism about any theory or insight that does not proceed from Scripture.
The Bible is adequate: We have every thing we need in the Word of God to make us adequate and complete and we can not add anything to completeness. “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work;” 2 Tim 3:16-17.
‘A man who has the Bible, and the Holy Spirit in his heart, has everything which is absolutely needful to make him spiritually wise….. he has got the infallible guide, and wants no other’. - J.C. Ryle.
Scriptures are inspired by the Spirit of God, so in Biblical counselling Holy Spirit play an important role: Holy Spirit gives guidance for using the appropriate Scriptures while praying for spiritual issues, gives ‘inner promptings’ or nudges, can release healing power directly during a counselling session and brings healing and wholeness, enable the counsellor to discern the presence of ‘demonic influence’ and lead the counsellor for appropriate prayer for deliverance, and lead the counsellor to practice spiritual discipline on a regular basis.
The Bible is the only true love letter: This is God’s genuine love letter for man.
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have ever lasting life.” John: 3:16. Freudian gospel may give a temporary experience of ecstasy, and even a bit of ‘security bout’ it is only an illusion.
Bible is practical, comprehensive, trustworthy and adequate and so as a Biblical counsellor I will study it zealously, meditate on it deeply, pray pointedly and communicate it accurately with my counselees, and it is sufficient for Biblical counseling. Scriptures have enduring power, imperial power Rom 1:16, Heb 4:12, sanctifying power Jn 17:17, Jer 31:33, revealing power, prevailing power and is very prophetic. Bible is God’s Word to man, attested by the Son of God, originated with and employed by the Spirit of God. It is authoritative because their own claims are fully vindicated, not due to human recognition but to the fact it is ‘inspired’ of God.
The Bible is Profitable: God’s Word for us is to transform lives for His glory; 2 Tim 2:15; 2 Pet 3:16. It has the transforming power to change the counsellor and the counselee into a more Christ like person.
The Bible talk about God’s General and Specific Revelation to people: General revelation reaches to all people; Matt: 5:45; Acts 14:17. It is very general in Geography; and it encompasses the whole globe Ps: 19:2. It is general in its methodology and it employs the universal means like the heat of the sun Psa: 19:4; and human conscience Rom: 2:14-15. It is a revelation that affects all people whenever they have lived it can bring light and truth to all, or if rejected, brings condemnation.1 The effect of general revelation is the guilt imputed to humans for aversion to our Creator and adopting idolatry Isa 44:9-20; Rom 1:21-23. Special revelation includes details about God’s person, nature and His plan for human life. Those acts of God whereby He makes Himself and His truth known at special times and to specific people.2
All true Biblical counselling must be done by God’s Word, and Spirit’s power, truth, love and under the Lordship of Christ, and to the glory of God.
End Notes:
1. Charles C. Ryrie, Basic Theology (Wheaton: Victor, 1988), 28. Compare Erickson’s concise definition of general revelation: Revelation which is available to all; persons at all times…..” (Erickson, Concise Dictionary)
2 Thiessen, Systematic Theology, 35. Compare Erickson’s definition: “God’s manifestation of Himself at particular times and places through particular events…” (Concise Dictionary, 144).
References:
1. John F. MacArthur, JR. Wayne A. Mack & The Master’s College Faculty, ‘Introduction To Biblical Counseling’, “A Basic Guide To The Principles And Practice Of Counseling”(Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers,1994, P. 76-77)
2. Jay E. Adams, ‘The Christian Counselor’s Manual, The Practice of Nouthetic Counseling’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1973, p. 15-16, 21-23; 92-97)
3. Jay E. Adams, ‘Lectures on Counseling’ (Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1978, p.192-203)
4. Lewis Sperry Chafer, ‘Systematic Theology’ Volume One, Abridged edition, John F. Walvoord, Editor, Donald K. Campbell, Roy B. Zuck, Consulting Editors, (Indiana: BMH Books, 1988, p. 94-95)
5. Wim Malgo, ‘Biblical Counseling’ From Twenty- Five Years of the International Ministry by Wim Malgo, (Columbia: The Mid Night Call, 1979, p.9-12; 20-21)
6. Gary L. Almy, M.D., ‘How Christian is Christian Counseling?’ The Dangerous Secular Influences That Keep Us From Caring For Souls, (Illinois: Crossway Books, Good News Publishers, 2000, p. 56-63)
7. J. I. Packer, Author of Knowing God, ‘Concise Theology’ A Guide To Historic Christian Beliefs, (Illinois: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc, 1993, p. 3-22)
6. Jay E. Adams, ‘Critical Stages of Biblical Counseling’ Finishing Well, Breaking Through, Getting Started, (New Jersey: Zondervan, 2002, p.6-7)
7. Jay E. Adams, ‘How to Help People Change’ The Four-step Biblical Process, (Grand rapids: Zondervan, 1986, p. 20-28)
8. David G. Benner & Peter C. Hill, ‘Baker Encyclopaedia of Psychology & Counseling’ Second Edition, (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1985, 1999, p.568-569)
The Goals of Biblical Counseling
Working to see real Biblical change in an individual is the goal of Biblical counselling. Scripture is the ultimate authority and source for biblical counselling. The goal during this process is to help the disciple grow to maturity in Christ, and to walk consistently according to God’s Word. The discipler equips the individual so that ultimately that person in turn begins to build biblical principles into the lives of others; 2Tim:2:2.
“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” 2 Tim 3:16-17.
“The Word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” Heb.4:12.
The Holy Spirit is the principal person in Biblical counselling because Jesus Christ now dwells in His church in the person of the Holy Spirit. Persons involved in counselling are always more than two: Counselor, the counselee, and the Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit is the ultimate source of all true healing and wholeness in biblical counselling. Training and competence in skills are needed, but such skills are used in dependence on the Holy Spirit.
a. As we do the Lord’s work Holy Spirit is always the primary counsellor and He works powerfully and sovereignly through His written Word. He brings people to the conviction of sin and to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ through His Word.
b. It is by the Scriptures he teaches them how to love God and their neighbours as themselves, to live a life of faith and obedience in response to His saving grace.
c. Through the Scriptures the Holy Spirit comforts, rebukes, corrects, and trains people in righteousness.
d. By the power of the Holy Spirit the mind is renewed, 2 Cori: 10:3-6 and the counselee becomes aware of the following steps. 1. Becoming aware of the practice (pattern of sin) that must be dehabituated (put off).2. Discovering the biblical alternative; 3. Structuring the whole situation for change; 4. Breaking links in the chain of sin; 5. Getting help from others; 6. Stressing the whole relationship to Christ; 7. Practicing the new pattern (life in Christ).
God is at the centre of counselling: The Bible is authoritative, relevant and comprehensively sufficient for counseling. Christians have Holy Spirit working through the Word of God. Commitment to God has epistemological consequences: Other sources of knowledge must be submitted to the authority of Scripture. Sciences, personal experiences, literature and so forth may be useful but may not play a constitutive role in counseling. There is a conflict of counsel built into human life; Gen 3, Psa1, and Jer 23. Counsel that contradicts God’s counsel has existed since the Garden of Eden, challenging God’s counsel and building from other presuppositions and towards other goals. False counsel and secular psychology has intruded into the domain of biblical truth. Secular theories and therapies substitute for biblical wisdom and deceive people both inside and outside the church. The false claimants to Biblical authority must be exposed and opposed.
Sin in all its dimensions (e.g., both motive and behaviour; both the sins we do and the sins done against us; both the consequences of personal sin and the consequences of Adam’s sin) must be the primary problem a Counselor must deal with. Sin is habitual and very deceptive, and much of the difficulty of counseling consists in bringing specific sins to awareness and breaking its hold. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is the answer: The forgiveness of sin and the power to change into Christ’s image are the greatest needs of mankind. Christ deals with sin: the guilt, the power, the deception, and the misery of sin. Christ reigns over our hearts by the power of the Holy Spirit and He will return to complete the redemption of His people. These core truths that must be infused in the goal of the counseling process.
In the change process, counseling aims at progressive sanctification: There are many ways of changing people but Biblical Counseling aims for nothing less than the transformation into the image of Jesus Christ amid the rough and tumble of daily life. Change is not instantaneous but progressive which is ongoing repentance, renewal of mind unto Biblical truth, and obedience in the power of the Holy Spirit. All difficulties operate within the Sovereign design of God. In these difficult situations hearts are revealed, and faith and obedience are purified through the battle between the Spirit and the flesh. In other words influential aspects of one’s life situation do not cause sin. For example: heredity, temperament, personality, culture, oppression and evil, bereavement, handicaps, old age, Satan, Physical illness are all significant for counselling but are not ultimately causative for sin.
Counseling is basically a pastoral activity so must be church based: It must be regulated under the authority of God’s appointed under-shepherds. It is connected both structurally with teaching, preaching, and prayer, and church discipline, use of gifts, missions, worship and so forth. The difference between preaching and counselling are not conceptual but only methodological. There are three important critical sessions in Biblical counselling: the first session, the turning point session and the terminating session. Biblical counsellors need to think well, pray pointedly, and discuss actively to develop energetic and creative apologetic and evangelistic efforts to help people find the answers. Biblical counselling is by definition, a helping ministry through God’s Word and Spirit.
References:
1. John F. MacArthur, JR. Wayne A. Mack & The Master’s College Faculty, ‘Introduction To Biblical Counseling’, “A Basic Guide To The Principles And Practice Of Counseling”(Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers,1994, p. 63-97)
2. Jay E. Adams, ‘The Christian Counselor’s Manual, ‘The Practice of Nouthetic Counseling’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1973, p. 39-44)
3. Jay E. Adams, ‘Lectures on Counseling’ (Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1978, p.179-191)
4. Wim Malgo, ‘Biblical Counseling’ From Twenty- Five Years of the International Ministry by Wim Malgo, (Columbia: The Mid Night Call, 1979, p.9-12)
5. Gary L. Almy, M.D., ‘How Christian is Christian Counseling?’ The Dangerous Secular Influences That Keep Us From Caring For Souls, (Illinois: Crossway Books, Good News Publishers, 2000, p.31-67)
6. Jay E. Adams, ‘Critical Stages of Biblical Counseling’ Finishing Well, Breaking Through, Getting Started, (New Jersey: Zondervan, 2002, p. 5-7)
7. Jay E. Adams, ‘How to Help People Change’ The Four-step Biblical Process, (Grand rapids: Zondervan, 1986, p.3-9)
8. David G. Benner & Peter C. Hill, ‘Baker Encyclopaedia of Psychology & Counseling’ Second Edition, (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1985, 1999, p.568-569)
9. Jay E. Adams, ‘Christian Living In the Home’ (New Jersey: Presbyterian and Reformed Publishing Company, 1972, p.9-13)
“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” 2 Tim 3:16-17.
“The Word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” Heb.4:12.
The Holy Spirit is the principal person in Biblical counselling because Jesus Christ now dwells in His church in the person of the Holy Spirit. Persons involved in counselling are always more than two: Counselor, the counselee, and the Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit is the ultimate source of all true healing and wholeness in biblical counselling. Training and competence in skills are needed, but such skills are used in dependence on the Holy Spirit.
a. As we do the Lord’s work Holy Spirit is always the primary counsellor and He works powerfully and sovereignly through His written Word. He brings people to the conviction of sin and to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ through His Word.
b. It is by the Scriptures he teaches them how to love God and their neighbours as themselves, to live a life of faith and obedience in response to His saving grace.
c. Through the Scriptures the Holy Spirit comforts, rebukes, corrects, and trains people in righteousness.
d. By the power of the Holy Spirit the mind is renewed, 2 Cori: 10:3-6 and the counselee becomes aware of the following steps. 1. Becoming aware of the practice (pattern of sin) that must be dehabituated (put off).2. Discovering the biblical alternative; 3. Structuring the whole situation for change; 4. Breaking links in the chain of sin; 5. Getting help from others; 6. Stressing the whole relationship to Christ; 7. Practicing the new pattern (life in Christ).
God is at the centre of counselling: The Bible is authoritative, relevant and comprehensively sufficient for counseling. Christians have Holy Spirit working through the Word of God. Commitment to God has epistemological consequences: Other sources of knowledge must be submitted to the authority of Scripture. Sciences, personal experiences, literature and so forth may be useful but may not play a constitutive role in counseling. There is a conflict of counsel built into human life; Gen 3, Psa1, and Jer 23. Counsel that contradicts God’s counsel has existed since the Garden of Eden, challenging God’s counsel and building from other presuppositions and towards other goals. False counsel and secular psychology has intruded into the domain of biblical truth. Secular theories and therapies substitute for biblical wisdom and deceive people both inside and outside the church. The false claimants to Biblical authority must be exposed and opposed.
Sin in all its dimensions (e.g., both motive and behaviour; both the sins we do and the sins done against us; both the consequences of personal sin and the consequences of Adam’s sin) must be the primary problem a Counselor must deal with. Sin is habitual and very deceptive, and much of the difficulty of counseling consists in bringing specific sins to awareness and breaking its hold. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is the answer: The forgiveness of sin and the power to change into Christ’s image are the greatest needs of mankind. Christ deals with sin: the guilt, the power, the deception, and the misery of sin. Christ reigns over our hearts by the power of the Holy Spirit and He will return to complete the redemption of His people. These core truths that must be infused in the goal of the counseling process.
In the change process, counseling aims at progressive sanctification: There are many ways of changing people but Biblical Counseling aims for nothing less than the transformation into the image of Jesus Christ amid the rough and tumble of daily life. Change is not instantaneous but progressive which is ongoing repentance, renewal of mind unto Biblical truth, and obedience in the power of the Holy Spirit. All difficulties operate within the Sovereign design of God. In these difficult situations hearts are revealed, and faith and obedience are purified through the battle between the Spirit and the flesh. In other words influential aspects of one’s life situation do not cause sin. For example: heredity, temperament, personality, culture, oppression and evil, bereavement, handicaps, old age, Satan, Physical illness are all significant for counselling but are not ultimately causative for sin.
Counseling is basically a pastoral activity so must be church based: It must be regulated under the authority of God’s appointed under-shepherds. It is connected both structurally with teaching, preaching, and prayer, and church discipline, use of gifts, missions, worship and so forth. The difference between preaching and counselling are not conceptual but only methodological. There are three important critical sessions in Biblical counselling: the first session, the turning point session and the terminating session. Biblical counsellors need to think well, pray pointedly, and discuss actively to develop energetic and creative apologetic and evangelistic efforts to help people find the answers. Biblical counselling is by definition, a helping ministry through God’s Word and Spirit.
References:
1. John F. MacArthur, JR. Wayne A. Mack & The Master’s College Faculty, ‘Introduction To Biblical Counseling’, “A Basic Guide To The Principles And Practice Of Counseling”(Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers,1994, p. 63-97)
2. Jay E. Adams, ‘The Christian Counselor’s Manual, ‘The Practice of Nouthetic Counseling’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1973, p. 39-44)
3. Jay E. Adams, ‘Lectures on Counseling’ (Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1978, p.179-191)
4. Wim Malgo, ‘Biblical Counseling’ From Twenty- Five Years of the International Ministry by Wim Malgo, (Columbia: The Mid Night Call, 1979, p.9-12)
5. Gary L. Almy, M.D., ‘How Christian is Christian Counseling?’ The Dangerous Secular Influences That Keep Us From Caring For Souls, (Illinois: Crossway Books, Good News Publishers, 2000, p.31-67)
6. Jay E. Adams, ‘Critical Stages of Biblical Counseling’ Finishing Well, Breaking Through, Getting Started, (New Jersey: Zondervan, 2002, p. 5-7)
7. Jay E. Adams, ‘How to Help People Change’ The Four-step Biblical Process, (Grand rapids: Zondervan, 1986, p.3-9)
8. David G. Benner & Peter C. Hill, ‘Baker Encyclopaedia of Psychology & Counseling’ Second Edition, (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1985, 1999, p.568-569)
9. Jay E. Adams, ‘Christian Living In the Home’ (New Jersey: Presbyterian and Reformed Publishing Company, 1972, p.9-13)
Saturday, August 14, 2010
How Great is our God!
God's Greatness: Psalm 8 (KJV)
1. O Lord our God, how excellent is Thy Name in all the earth! who hast set Thy glory above the heavens.
2. Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of Thine enemies, that Thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger.
3. When I consider Thy heavens, the work of Thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which Thou hast ordained;
4. What is man, that Thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that Thou visitest him?
5. For Thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour.
6. Thou madest him to have dominion over the works of Thy hands; Thou hast put all things under his feet:
7. All sheep and Oxen, yea, and the beasts of the field;
8. The fowl of the air, and the fish of the sea, and whatsoever passeth through the paths of the seas.
9. O Lord our Lord, how excellent is Thy Name in all the earth!
"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." 3 Jn 16 (KJV). The love of God the Father is the origin of our regeneration by the Spirit and our reconciliation by the lifing up of the only Son Jesus Christ. He not only sent Him into the world to negotiate peace between heaven and earth, but He gave Him up to suffer and die for us as the great propitiation or expiatory sacrifice. Jesus Christ came and died for us so that we might not die by the sentence of the law. It is the unspeakable joy of all true believers for which we are debted to Jesus Christ, that we are saved from the miseries of hell and delivered from going to the pit. This salvation is avaiable to all who will accept Jesus Christ, they shall not die of their wounds in wilderness, but they shall reach Canaan and shall enjoy the promised rest.
"In quietness and confidence shall be your strength" - Isaiah 30:15. Are you limiting God by the way you think? Imagine a circumstance that you consider bad. Use whatever descriptive words you want to use - difficult, hard, agonizing, frustrating, strenuous, debilitating, horrific, sorrowful, confusing, perturbing, penetrating or painful. Is there a problem too awful or too hard for God to handle? If your answer to this question is anything other than "no"" your understanding of God is too small. Our God is a great and limitless God. He dwells in eternity and operates in infinity. He has all things within His understanding and all things under His control.
Rom 5:6; "For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly."(KJV) In a sad condition, helpless and totally lost...with no visible way open for our recovery, vile and obnoxious, unworthy of any favour from a Holy God, The Great God in His great plan gave His Son as a ransom for the whole world.
Whosoever believeth: Here is the great Gospel duty that is to believe in Lord Jesus Christ which is a great gift from a Great God! The intention of the Great Giver is so that man may not perish. One must yield an unfeigned assent and consent to the record God has given in His Word concerning His Son. One must give ourselves to be ruled, taught, saved by Him, which is God has taken away their sins and a pardon is purchased. This is good news to a convinced conscience, healing to the broken bones and bleeding wounds, that Christ indeed came not to condemn, but to save.
Look at the video: You Tube 'The Seven Wonders of the World' astermd, below and then answer this heart question.
What is that one thing which is stopping us from accepting this great gift from a Great God?
Reference:
The Matthew Henry Study Bible, King James Version, "The Best Matthew Henry's Notes in a Handy One Volume"; Reference Bible (Iowa Falls: World Bible Publishers Inc; 1994, 1997)
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Emotions!! How can emotions be changed biblically?
How can emotions be changed biblically?
(Helpful tips for marriages)
Emotions: This word is derived from the Latin ‘emovare’ meaning to move. Affect, passion, and mood are other words that describe some aspect of the same phenomenon.
The language of emotions has integral parts of feelings, attitude and behaviour. The language of Emotion the word feeling refers to the perception of bodily state as pleasant or unpleasant (I feel tired; I feel bad; I feel happy). Feelings may differ in intensity or kind, but basically there are 2 categories in which all may be classified: Good or Bad. Emotions like Anger, Hot temper, Bitterness, Resentment, Hate, depression, fear, anxiety, love, lust, evil desires, jealousy, envy, greed etc(Bad emotions). Peace, joy, love and rest are Good emotions. Passion is intense emotion, and mood is emotion of long duration. An attitude is a combination of presuppositions, beliefs, convictions, and opinions that make up one’s habitual stance at any time toward a subject, person or an act.1 The term behaviour is used to describe those activities of a whole person that may be judged by the law of God, and is responsible conduct.
They are like smoke detectors. They are not the primary problem but warnings of a primary problem. Check on the underlying problem that disturbs the emotions. Through the power of the Holy Spirit Christians have the ability to control the emotions and do what God wants them to do regardless of how they feel 1Cori: 10:13. Consider the first murder in Gen: 4:1-8; most likely it would not have happened if Cain was not that angry. That is why it is important to listen to counselees about how they feel and be sensitive to the effects of their emotions in their lives.
You see, emotions are in fact internal signals that are there to let you know there is a situation which may need attention in your life. A person who possesses emotional intelligence (i.e. is emotionally mature) will heed this signal and then self soothe and regain their composure without needing anyone else to help them and then later figure out what this emotion is signaling, and what might need to be done.
If action is needed, it should not be decided on in the heat of the moment. To best understand this, imagine that you in fact have two brains and the one that gets switched on when you are emotional (your amygdala) doesn't make the same quality of decisions that your other brain (your upper cortex) does. Now also understand that it's very hard to access information from both of these brains at once.
So anger does not mean that you will need to hit or yell at someone (to stop being taken advantage of), as your emotional brain may be telling you, instead it could mean that a real boundary needs to be set. Our emotions are not things we should need other people help dealing with on any regular basis or we will become a very difficult and demanding person to live with.
If you are in a painful relationship learning to take back control of your own happiness by learning the correct use of your emotions - may be the best skills you ever learn.
- Do you gossip about others behind their backs?
(I guess we have been doing that here and I hope that we have stayed honest and respectful (-:).
- Do you blame the problems in your life on others without looking at your own shortcomings?
- Do you fantasize about a life in which you will be loved and admired
(at the expense of your family around you)?
- Do you behave badly when you don't get your way?
Narcissism is easy to spot in others but so much harder to see in ourselves, but as we all want to be loved (deep down), let's not shy away from this challenge ...
Here are three ideas to help topple your false pride;
a. Admit something you are embarrassed about to someone close to you (and that you are embarrassed about it) and apologize if you need to.
b. If you have addictions, be honest with yourself and start to tackle them.
c. Vow to work on the small gaps in your character and admit to yourself that you must learn to crawl and walk before you keep trying to fly...
"My partner had been verbally abusing me for 3 years and my confidence hit an all time low. He criticized everything I did, the way I looked, my beliefs....nothing escaped. But once I understood ... it all changed and I changed. Bible has become my source of everything, and I found my confidence in Christ and Christ alone and He became my dear friend and the rock on which I stand. Even though the situations are bad God kept me focused on Him and His love all the time, and He became my absolute confidence. I am fully assured that nothing happens to me would go past Him without His knowledge and that gave me strength for every day’s life. God taught me how to love when it is not reciprocated, and I realized the situation slowy begin to change for the better. Now I look after him (my partner) and he looks after me, and slowly but surely I am learning to trust my partner again." – Report of a friend
Fight Busting
1. Do not bring up divorce or separation in the heat of an argument - This is NOT a decision to be made when you are upset ...
“Talking about divorce or separation during a fight will undoubtedly make the conflict worse.“
If your partner declares that they hate you and want to separate or other hurtful things during a fight, please remember they are mad and probably don’t mean what they are saying.
“We all say things that we don’t mean when we are angry.”
Don’t say: “I am leaving you” ....
Do say: “I am leaving the room to go calm down. I need some time to cool off”.
2. Don’t make ultimatums or threats > they will only come back to haunt you - If you try to force someone to do what you want by threatening them, it will always be at the expense of your relationship...
“Threats rarely work anyway; people do things more readily out of love than fear.”
Threats only breed resentment. If your partner’s behaviour is unacceptable you need to learn skills to set better boundaries for yourself and limit their unacceptable behaviour.
“Threats will only escalate the fighting.”
Don’t say: “Stop saying that or I will _______.”
Do say: “I don’t like the way you are talking to me and I am not prepared to discuss this now; I need time to cool off.”
3. Stop thinking you need your partner to do what you want them to right now - They can’t help you now because they are tied up dealing with their own negative emotions.
“Be wise and give both yourself and your partner some time and space to regain their composure.”
4.Take care of your own hurt - If you need to get away from your partner to feel safe and get some space to calm down do so but
“Say clearly where you are going, when you will be back and that you simply need some time to cool off because you are too upset to talk anymore. Then take care of yourself.”
If you can get time alone without being disturbed, stay where you are but don’t be waiting for your partner to come and see you to ‘make up’ or make you feel better. They need time to calm down too.
“If they walk out on you, forget about them for now and take care of yourself.”
If you have kids reassure them that you are OK and that things are going to be all right. No matter how hurt you feel inside, be brave and strong for your kids; they love strength in a parent and will look up to you for it.
If you can, ask a neighbour to watch the kids and then do something to feel better. This might include listening to calming music that you like, taking a walk somewhere nice, having a bath or shower or listening to the rain (or a recording of rain sounds). If there is no one to watch the kids, take them out for a walk or to the park and engage with them and be kind.
“Learning to soothe yourself and find your own natural true state of inner happiness, regardless of how your partner is feeling or behaving is one of the most important skills you can learn. It will empower you, make you more attractive and improve your relationship.”
5.Do not drink alcohol, use drugs or talk about the fight > these actions will only fuel your bad feelings - Likewise DO NOT work yourself up further by swinging your arms around, using a punching bag or chopping wood etc. It was once believed that this helped let off steam but it has been shown in many research studies that doing something calming is much better.
“You will change how you feel by changing your focus. Focus on something calm and beautiful and your feelings will eventually follow in that direction.”
Feelings change depending on what you focus on. Start by sitting or lying down or going for a walk. Give it a bit of time and the bad feelings will pass.
6. Decide NOT to think about the problem while you are upset - It takes nearly two days to calm down completely once you have really lost your cool.
“Make a note on a piece of paper of what first upset you but then make a firm decision to leave it till you are completely calm before you think about it again or decide what you will do about it.”
The voice in our head when we are angry tells us to do things that we will usually regret later.
“Smart and successful people do not listen to this voice in the heat of the moment and do not take too personally what others say to us when they are angry or upset.” Ecc: 7:20-23
7. No matter how much you feel like hurting your partner by saying or doing mean things, try to be honest about your own hurt instead - Say “I feel very hurt about what you are saying and I need some time to calm down. I hope that we can get past this”. You can also reassure your partner that you will stand by them and that even though you are angry you will not leave them (if you can do this honestly).
“Having the courage to admit your hurt and vulnerability and also your love for them is much more courageous and powerful than trying to control your partner with aggression or intimidation.”
Don’t say: “I have always hated you, you are a fat slob.”
Do say: “I feel very hurt by what you are saying and I am very angry at you, but I do love you too so right now I need some time to calm down before I say anything that I really don’t mean.”
8. if your partner is not answering you, understand it may be because they are overwhelmed -
This generally happens to men faster than women.
“When faced with criticism or conflict it is very human to reach a point where we just freeze up. Understand this and don’t make the mistake of thinking that your partner is ignoring you or trying to hurt you further.”
Silence in a fight equals emotional overwhelm and you need to give your partner time to recover their emotional balance before they can talk to you again.
Don’t say: “Stop ignoring me!”
Do say: “I need some time to cool off and you probably do too - I am going to take some time out. I am not attacking you, we can talk about this later”.
9.Don’t ignore what the fight was about - Refer to the note you made (about what triggered the fight) a few days later once you are calm and then decide what action needs to be taken.
“Anger is a clear sign that a boundary of yours has been crossed and you need to work on how you are going to defend it. Complaining to your partner probably won’t help.”
Note: a boundary is just like it sounds, it is the line of what behaviour you find comfortable accepting from others. If someone is rude to you for instance this line has been ‘trespassed’. Working on your boundaries later is just as important as you calming yourself down in the heat of the moment.
10. Don’t bring up the conversation again until you have decided how you are going to defend this boundary so it is not crossed again - You should leave this at least two or three days.
“Complaining to your partner is not setting a boundary.”
You need to let them know what the consequences will be which should be fair and just and not include you being angry, punishments or threats.
Don’t say: “If you insult me again I will leave you.”
Do say: “I love you but I want you to stop insulting me. If you can’t stop I will need to seek outside help to protect myself from your insults. If you don’t stop I may need to get our doctor/minister/the police/your boss to talk to you about how they might help you move past this.”
Please do not involve your partner’s family or friends in this!
11. When you see your partner again be ready to offer an olive branch - When you first see your partner again, soon after the fight, say that you need a few days to think about what you were fighting about and that you don’t want to talk about it right now.
“Try and be light and remember that admitting that you are sorry or embarrassed might be hard but is actually very attractive.”
You will have a chance to work on the boundary that was crossed and what you can do to defend it better later, but for now just remember what you value about your relationship and what you have in common.
“It is easy for fights to flare again in the two days after an upset, so give it time for you to both completely calm down before you tackle the issue again.”
Don’t think that talking through the issue must happen for things to get better. Take care of your own negative feelings (self soothe) and set your own boundaries.
12. Don’t make excuses that the conflict must be resolved immediately - The more pressing the matter, the more important it is that you take the time to calm down.
“If your partner is uncooperative and you need their help, then change your plans and organize things differently without needing them.”
Practicing this will help you become more flexible and you will slowly get better at it. You will probably never change your initial reaction to anger or upset, but you can change how you respond to this reaction. Just like exercising a muscle, you will get better at this with practice.
When you feel your emotions flare think:
“Now I have a great chance to exercise self control”.
This is not about bottling up your emotions. It is healthy and a good sign that you get angry when you are treated rudely, but it is also healthy (and very important for your own success in life) that you are able to decide to let the anger go and wait till you are completely calm again to deal with the problem. If it is appropriate say that you are angry but learn to regulate and control your response and to take note of what angered you and make sure you take the time to deal with it later once you are calm again.
“Anger is a clear sign that something is amiss in our life, but you will not gain anything by acting out your anger in the heat of the moment.” Practice these skills and you will see every aspect of your life improve...
Through the power of the Holy Spirit, we Christians have the ability to control our emotions and do what God wants us to do regardless of how we feel; 1 Cori: 10:13. On the other hand, emotions are powerful enough to make it much harder to do what is right. Muscular, galvanic, Visceral and other emotional responses of the body are responses to judgements made about the environment and oneself. These judgements trigger body chemistry to orient the body in a particular direction to meet a specific situation. This body orientation accounts for the feeling. The basic way to break the vicious cycle of strong negative emotions is to help the counselee understand the Biblical criteria for assurance and help them make the judgements on the basis of these.
Examples: Anger is not in itself sinful: Ps: 7:11 (God is angry with the wicked); 1 Kin: 11:9 (God was angry with Solomon); 2 King: 17:18 (God was angry with Israel); Mar: 3:5 (Jesus was angry with the Pharisees). Anger is a strong emotion and in Gen: 4:1-8; 4:4; 8; we see Cain had become very angry that leads to Murder his brother Abel. His anger was the result of sinful pride and could have been eliminated through repentance; without this repentance his anger provided the impetus for the most heinous of crimes.
Eve’s sin began with lusting which is a strong emotion as in Gen:3:6 “When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it”; is the temptation and fall of man.
The Escape to Egypt: Matt: 2:13-18; Herod was jealous when he heard Jesus was born. Herod King of the Jews killed all the boys less than 2 years of age in an obsessive attempt to kill Jesus, the new born King. He stained his hands with blood but could not harm Jesus God’s Son. Herod was King by human appointment and Jesus was King by Divine appointment.
Scriptures to overcome ungodly emotions: Be slow to become angry; Prov: 14:16-17; 29; Jam: 1:19-20. Love covers a multitude of sins and over look many offenses; Pro: 10:12; 12:16; 17:9; 19:11; 1 Pet: 4:8. Seek the way of love; 1 Cor: 13:4-5. Hot words stir up strife; Prov: 15:1. A hot-tempered man creates dissension; Prov: 15:18. Do not associate wit the hot tempered man; Pro: 22:24-25. Control yourself; Prov: 25:28; 29:22; 30:33. Fits of rage belong to your sinful nature, the way of sin; Gal: 5:19-21. Through the Spirit you can overcome the sin of a hot temper; Gal: 5:22-25; Col: 3:8. Handle anger in a godly way and do not let the sun go down on your anger; Eph: 4:26. Jesus said that one who is angry with his brother without a cause will be subject to judgement; Matt: 5:21-22. Say no to ungodly passions; Tit: 2:11-12. Christ came to save us from lust and evil desires; Eph: 2:4-5. Not to conform to evil desires; 1 Pet: 1:14-16; 1 Pet: 2:11. Live by the Spirit to overcome the lusts of the flesh; Gal 5:16.
Emotions are feelings that come over you, irrespective of circumstances or in response to a particular circumstance. Scriptures which help us during difficult times are Psa: 31 (my times are in Your hands) and Ecc 7 (In good times be happy and in adversity consider). Heart is the seat of all emotions; has memory of all our past and what is happening now and has fixed thoughts, patterns of thoughts and beliefs. Scripture tells us to guard our hearts by all means because out of it overflows the issues of life. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.
Notes:
1. Typical attitude toward a problem may be discovered in the following responses: I don’t know what to do” …. “There is no problem”…..” I don’t care”
References:
1. John F. MacArthur, JR. Wayne A. Mack & The Master’s College Faculty, ‘Introduction To Biblical Counseling’, “A Basic Guide To The Principles And Practice Of Counseling” (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1994; p. 12-17)
2. Jay E. Adams, ‘A theology of Christian Counseling; More than Redemption: How sin affects Thinking’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1979, p.102-104; 114-115; 202; 218; 260)
3. John G. Kuris, ‘Quick Scripture Reference for Counselling’; (Grand Rapid: Baker Books, Third edition: 1988, 1994, 2000, p.70, 174)
4. Jay E. Adams, ‘How to Help People Change’ The Four-step Biblical Process, (Grand rapids: Zondervan, 1986, p.47-48)
5. David G. Benner & Peter C. Hill, ‘Baker Encyclopaedia of Psychology & Counseling’ Second Edition, (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1985, 1999, p.392-397)
6. Jay E. Adams, ‘The Christian Counselor’s Manual, ‘The Practice of Nouthetic Counseling’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1973, P.109-116; 349; 420))
7. Jay E. Adams, ‘Competent to Counsel, ‘Introduction To Nouthetic Counseling’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1970, p.220-248)
8. David Powlison, “Seeing with New Eyes” Counseling and Human Condition Through the Lens of Scripture, (New Jersey P& R Publishing Company, 2003, p. 211-223)
9. Fightbusters; http://www.fightbusters.com/Fight_Busting.html 12 steps to end a domestic fight or argument
(Helpful tips for marriages)
Emotions: This word is derived from the Latin ‘emovare’ meaning to move. Affect, passion, and mood are other words that describe some aspect of the same phenomenon.
The language of emotions has integral parts of feelings, attitude and behaviour. The language of Emotion the word feeling refers to the perception of bodily state as pleasant or unpleasant (I feel tired; I feel bad; I feel happy). Feelings may differ in intensity or kind, but basically there are 2 categories in which all may be classified: Good or Bad. Emotions like Anger, Hot temper, Bitterness, Resentment, Hate, depression, fear, anxiety, love, lust, evil desires, jealousy, envy, greed etc(Bad emotions). Peace, joy, love and rest are Good emotions. Passion is intense emotion, and mood is emotion of long duration. An attitude is a combination of presuppositions, beliefs, convictions, and opinions that make up one’s habitual stance at any time toward a subject, person or an act.1 The term behaviour is used to describe those activities of a whole person that may be judged by the law of God, and is responsible conduct.
They are like smoke detectors. They are not the primary problem but warnings of a primary problem. Check on the underlying problem that disturbs the emotions. Through the power of the Holy Spirit Christians have the ability to control the emotions and do what God wants them to do regardless of how they feel 1Cori: 10:13. Consider the first murder in Gen: 4:1-8; most likely it would not have happened if Cain was not that angry. That is why it is important to listen to counselees about how they feel and be sensitive to the effects of their emotions in their lives.
You see, emotions are in fact internal signals that are there to let you know there is a situation which may need attention in your life. A person who possesses emotional intelligence (i.e. is emotionally mature) will heed this signal and then self soothe and regain their composure without needing anyone else to help them and then later figure out what this emotion is signaling, and what might need to be done.
If action is needed, it should not be decided on in the heat of the moment. To best understand this, imagine that you in fact have two brains and the one that gets switched on when you are emotional (your amygdala) doesn't make the same quality of decisions that your other brain (your upper cortex) does. Now also understand that it's very hard to access information from both of these brains at once.
So anger does not mean that you will need to hit or yell at someone (to stop being taken advantage of), as your emotional brain may be telling you, instead it could mean that a real boundary needs to be set. Our emotions are not things we should need other people help dealing with on any regular basis or we will become a very difficult and demanding person to live with.
If you are in a painful relationship learning to take back control of your own happiness by learning the correct use of your emotions - may be the best skills you ever learn.
- Do you gossip about others behind their backs?
(I guess we have been doing that here and I hope that we have stayed honest and respectful (-:).
- Do you blame the problems in your life on others without looking at your own shortcomings?
- Do you fantasize about a life in which you will be loved and admired
(at the expense of your family around you)?
- Do you behave badly when you don't get your way?
Narcissism is easy to spot in others but so much harder to see in ourselves, but as we all want to be loved (deep down), let's not shy away from this challenge ...
Here are three ideas to help topple your false pride;
a. Admit something you are embarrassed about to someone close to you (and that you are embarrassed about it) and apologize if you need to.
b. If you have addictions, be honest with yourself and start to tackle them.
c. Vow to work on the small gaps in your character and admit to yourself that you must learn to crawl and walk before you keep trying to fly...
"My partner had been verbally abusing me for 3 years and my confidence hit an all time low. He criticized everything I did, the way I looked, my beliefs....nothing escaped. But once I understood ... it all changed and I changed. Bible has become my source of everything, and I found my confidence in Christ and Christ alone and He became my dear friend and the rock on which I stand. Even though the situations are bad God kept me focused on Him and His love all the time, and He became my absolute confidence. I am fully assured that nothing happens to me would go past Him without His knowledge and that gave me strength for every day’s life. God taught me how to love when it is not reciprocated, and I realized the situation slowy begin to change for the better. Now I look after him (my partner) and he looks after me, and slowly but surely I am learning to trust my partner again." – Report of a friend
Fight Busting
1. Do not bring up divorce or separation in the heat of an argument - This is NOT a decision to be made when you are upset ...
“Talking about divorce or separation during a fight will undoubtedly make the conflict worse.“
If your partner declares that they hate you and want to separate or other hurtful things during a fight, please remember they are mad and probably don’t mean what they are saying.
“We all say things that we don’t mean when we are angry.”
Don’t say: “I am leaving you” ....
Do say: “I am leaving the room to go calm down. I need some time to cool off”.
2. Don’t make ultimatums or threats > they will only come back to haunt you - If you try to force someone to do what you want by threatening them, it will always be at the expense of your relationship...
“Threats rarely work anyway; people do things more readily out of love than fear.”
Threats only breed resentment. If your partner’s behaviour is unacceptable you need to learn skills to set better boundaries for yourself and limit their unacceptable behaviour.
“Threats will only escalate the fighting.”
Don’t say: “Stop saying that or I will _______.”
Do say: “I don’t like the way you are talking to me and I am not prepared to discuss this now; I need time to cool off.”
3. Stop thinking you need your partner to do what you want them to right now - They can’t help you now because they are tied up dealing with their own negative emotions.
“Be wise and give both yourself and your partner some time and space to regain their composure.”
4.Take care of your own hurt - If you need to get away from your partner to feel safe and get some space to calm down do so but
“Say clearly where you are going, when you will be back and that you simply need some time to cool off because you are too upset to talk anymore. Then take care of yourself.”
If you can get time alone without being disturbed, stay where you are but don’t be waiting for your partner to come and see you to ‘make up’ or make you feel better. They need time to calm down too.
“If they walk out on you, forget about them for now and take care of yourself.”
If you have kids reassure them that you are OK and that things are going to be all right. No matter how hurt you feel inside, be brave and strong for your kids; they love strength in a parent and will look up to you for it.
If you can, ask a neighbour to watch the kids and then do something to feel better. This might include listening to calming music that you like, taking a walk somewhere nice, having a bath or shower or listening to the rain (or a recording of rain sounds). If there is no one to watch the kids, take them out for a walk or to the park and engage with them and be kind.
“Learning to soothe yourself and find your own natural true state of inner happiness, regardless of how your partner is feeling or behaving is one of the most important skills you can learn. It will empower you, make you more attractive and improve your relationship.”
5.Do not drink alcohol, use drugs or talk about the fight > these actions will only fuel your bad feelings - Likewise DO NOT work yourself up further by swinging your arms around, using a punching bag or chopping wood etc. It was once believed that this helped let off steam but it has been shown in many research studies that doing something calming is much better.
“You will change how you feel by changing your focus. Focus on something calm and beautiful and your feelings will eventually follow in that direction.”
Feelings change depending on what you focus on. Start by sitting or lying down or going for a walk. Give it a bit of time and the bad feelings will pass.
6. Decide NOT to think about the problem while you are upset - It takes nearly two days to calm down completely once you have really lost your cool.
“Make a note on a piece of paper of what first upset you but then make a firm decision to leave it till you are completely calm before you think about it again or decide what you will do about it.”
The voice in our head when we are angry tells us to do things that we will usually regret later.
“Smart and successful people do not listen to this voice in the heat of the moment and do not take too personally what others say to us when they are angry or upset.” Ecc: 7:20-23
7. No matter how much you feel like hurting your partner by saying or doing mean things, try to be honest about your own hurt instead - Say “I feel very hurt about what you are saying and I need some time to calm down. I hope that we can get past this”. You can also reassure your partner that you will stand by them and that even though you are angry you will not leave them (if you can do this honestly).
“Having the courage to admit your hurt and vulnerability and also your love for them is much more courageous and powerful than trying to control your partner with aggression or intimidation.”
Don’t say: “I have always hated you, you are a fat slob.”
Do say: “I feel very hurt by what you are saying and I am very angry at you, but I do love you too so right now I need some time to calm down before I say anything that I really don’t mean.”
8. if your partner is not answering you, understand it may be because they are overwhelmed -
This generally happens to men faster than women.
“When faced with criticism or conflict it is very human to reach a point where we just freeze up. Understand this and don’t make the mistake of thinking that your partner is ignoring you or trying to hurt you further.”
Silence in a fight equals emotional overwhelm and you need to give your partner time to recover their emotional balance before they can talk to you again.
Don’t say: “Stop ignoring me!”
Do say: “I need some time to cool off and you probably do too - I am going to take some time out. I am not attacking you, we can talk about this later”.
9.Don’t ignore what the fight was about - Refer to the note you made (about what triggered the fight) a few days later once you are calm and then decide what action needs to be taken.
“Anger is a clear sign that a boundary of yours has been crossed and you need to work on how you are going to defend it. Complaining to your partner probably won’t help.”
Note: a boundary is just like it sounds, it is the line of what behaviour you find comfortable accepting from others. If someone is rude to you for instance this line has been ‘trespassed’. Working on your boundaries later is just as important as you calming yourself down in the heat of the moment.
10. Don’t bring up the conversation again until you have decided how you are going to defend this boundary so it is not crossed again - You should leave this at least two or three days.
“Complaining to your partner is not setting a boundary.”
You need to let them know what the consequences will be which should be fair and just and not include you being angry, punishments or threats.
Don’t say: “If you insult me again I will leave you.”
Do say: “I love you but I want you to stop insulting me. If you can’t stop I will need to seek outside help to protect myself from your insults. If you don’t stop I may need to get our doctor/minister/the police/your boss to talk to you about how they might help you move past this.”
Please do not involve your partner’s family or friends in this!
11. When you see your partner again be ready to offer an olive branch - When you first see your partner again, soon after the fight, say that you need a few days to think about what you were fighting about and that you don’t want to talk about it right now.
“Try and be light and remember that admitting that you are sorry or embarrassed might be hard but is actually very attractive.”
You will have a chance to work on the boundary that was crossed and what you can do to defend it better later, but for now just remember what you value about your relationship and what you have in common.
“It is easy for fights to flare again in the two days after an upset, so give it time for you to both completely calm down before you tackle the issue again.”
Don’t think that talking through the issue must happen for things to get better. Take care of your own negative feelings (self soothe) and set your own boundaries.
12. Don’t make excuses that the conflict must be resolved immediately - The more pressing the matter, the more important it is that you take the time to calm down.
“If your partner is uncooperative and you need their help, then change your plans and organize things differently without needing them.”
Practicing this will help you become more flexible and you will slowly get better at it. You will probably never change your initial reaction to anger or upset, but you can change how you respond to this reaction. Just like exercising a muscle, you will get better at this with practice.
When you feel your emotions flare think:
“Now I have a great chance to exercise self control”.
This is not about bottling up your emotions. It is healthy and a good sign that you get angry when you are treated rudely, but it is also healthy (and very important for your own success in life) that you are able to decide to let the anger go and wait till you are completely calm again to deal with the problem. If it is appropriate say that you are angry but learn to regulate and control your response and to take note of what angered you and make sure you take the time to deal with it later once you are calm again.
“Anger is a clear sign that something is amiss in our life, but you will not gain anything by acting out your anger in the heat of the moment.” Practice these skills and you will see every aspect of your life improve...
Through the power of the Holy Spirit, we Christians have the ability to control our emotions and do what God wants us to do regardless of how we feel; 1 Cori: 10:13. On the other hand, emotions are powerful enough to make it much harder to do what is right. Muscular, galvanic, Visceral and other emotional responses of the body are responses to judgements made about the environment and oneself. These judgements trigger body chemistry to orient the body in a particular direction to meet a specific situation. This body orientation accounts for the feeling. The basic way to break the vicious cycle of strong negative emotions is to help the counselee understand the Biblical criteria for assurance and help them make the judgements on the basis of these.
Examples: Anger is not in itself sinful: Ps: 7:11 (God is angry with the wicked); 1 Kin: 11:9 (God was angry with Solomon); 2 King: 17:18 (God was angry with Israel); Mar: 3:5 (Jesus was angry with the Pharisees). Anger is a strong emotion and in Gen: 4:1-8; 4:4; 8; we see Cain had become very angry that leads to Murder his brother Abel. His anger was the result of sinful pride and could have been eliminated through repentance; without this repentance his anger provided the impetus for the most heinous of crimes.
Eve’s sin began with lusting which is a strong emotion as in Gen:3:6 “When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it”; is the temptation and fall of man.
The Escape to Egypt: Matt: 2:13-18; Herod was jealous when he heard Jesus was born. Herod King of the Jews killed all the boys less than 2 years of age in an obsessive attempt to kill Jesus, the new born King. He stained his hands with blood but could not harm Jesus God’s Son. Herod was King by human appointment and Jesus was King by Divine appointment.
Scriptures to overcome ungodly emotions: Be slow to become angry; Prov: 14:16-17; 29; Jam: 1:19-20. Love covers a multitude of sins and over look many offenses; Pro: 10:12; 12:16; 17:9; 19:11; 1 Pet: 4:8. Seek the way of love; 1 Cor: 13:4-5. Hot words stir up strife; Prov: 15:1. A hot-tempered man creates dissension; Prov: 15:18. Do not associate wit the hot tempered man; Pro: 22:24-25. Control yourself; Prov: 25:28; 29:22; 30:33. Fits of rage belong to your sinful nature, the way of sin; Gal: 5:19-21. Through the Spirit you can overcome the sin of a hot temper; Gal: 5:22-25; Col: 3:8. Handle anger in a godly way and do not let the sun go down on your anger; Eph: 4:26. Jesus said that one who is angry with his brother without a cause will be subject to judgement; Matt: 5:21-22. Say no to ungodly passions; Tit: 2:11-12. Christ came to save us from lust and evil desires; Eph: 2:4-5. Not to conform to evil desires; 1 Pet: 1:14-16; 1 Pet: 2:11. Live by the Spirit to overcome the lusts of the flesh; Gal 5:16.
Emotions are feelings that come over you, irrespective of circumstances or in response to a particular circumstance. Scriptures which help us during difficult times are Psa: 31 (my times are in Your hands) and Ecc 7 (In good times be happy and in adversity consider). Heart is the seat of all emotions; has memory of all our past and what is happening now and has fixed thoughts, patterns of thoughts and beliefs. Scripture tells us to guard our hearts by all means because out of it overflows the issues of life. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.
Notes:
1. Typical attitude toward a problem may be discovered in the following responses: I don’t know what to do” …. “There is no problem”…..” I don’t care”
References:
1. John F. MacArthur, JR. Wayne A. Mack & The Master’s College Faculty, ‘Introduction To Biblical Counseling’, “A Basic Guide To The Principles And Practice Of Counseling” (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1994; p. 12-17)
2. Jay E. Adams, ‘A theology of Christian Counseling; More than Redemption: How sin affects Thinking’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1979, p.102-104; 114-115; 202; 218; 260)
3. John G. Kuris, ‘Quick Scripture Reference for Counselling’; (Grand Rapid: Baker Books, Third edition: 1988, 1994, 2000, p.70, 174)
4. Jay E. Adams, ‘How to Help People Change’ The Four-step Biblical Process, (Grand rapids: Zondervan, 1986, p.47-48)
5. David G. Benner & Peter C. Hill, ‘Baker Encyclopaedia of Psychology & Counseling’ Second Edition, (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1985, 1999, p.392-397)
6. Jay E. Adams, ‘The Christian Counselor’s Manual, ‘The Practice of Nouthetic Counseling’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1973, P.109-116; 349; 420))
7. Jay E. Adams, ‘Competent to Counsel, ‘Introduction To Nouthetic Counseling’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1970, p.220-248)
8. David Powlison, “Seeing with New Eyes” Counseling and Human Condition Through the Lens of Scripture, (New Jersey P& R Publishing Company, 2003, p. 211-223)
9. Fightbusters; http://www.fightbusters.com/Fight_Busting.html 12 steps to end a domestic fight or argument
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Babylon’s useless ‘idols’
Babylon’s useless ‘idols’
Isaiah 46 exposes the folly of those who makes idols and pray to them. This chapter is a call for people to focus their attention in one and true Triune God, through Jesus Christ and His Spirit. False gods will certainly fail their worshippers, and the true God will never fail their worshippers. “Hearken unto Me, O house of Jacob, and all the remnant of the hose of Israel, which are borne by Me from the belly, which are carried from the womb.” Isa 46: 3. Our spiritual life is constantly sustained by His grace as our natural life is constantly sustained by His wonderful providence.
He who made all should be Lord of all, since all things derived from Him and all should be devoted to Him. “Remember the former things of old, for I am God, and there is none else; I am God, and there is none like Me;” Isa 46: 9. Bel a deified prince and Nebo a deified prophet were the two celebrated idols of Babylon that were set up on high and worshipped at ancient times; Isa 46:1. The pagan deities delivered their oracles out of dens and caverns, with a low and hollow voice, and in ambiguous expressions. But God delivered His law from the top of Mount Sinai, distinct, audible, and intelligible.
For those who oppose the counsels of God, the righteousness will be accomplished very shortly. The Word of God says that the proud and obstinate Babylonians are far from justice and righteousness and they never let the oppressed go free inspite of the petitions for God’s predictions. Daniel’s friends, humbled Jews have been in the furnace but not melted and God revealed their righteousness for His glory. Isa 46:12 says they are stout hearted and are far from righteousness. God’s counsel always stands because the Word of God says that all the prophecies will be fulfilled. Many Scripture prophecies were delivered long ago and not yet accomplished. Some are accomplished and in the mean time the rest will be fulfilled.
All true Christians who depend upon Christ for strength and righteousness, in Him shall be justified and shall glory in this. Isa 46:13 says, salvation will be brought for God’s people and if men do not bring justice and righteousness to God’s people, God will surely bring and place salvation in Zion. God will make Jerusalem a place of safety and defence for all those who plant themselves there. When God’s people look to Him in faith and pray without ceasing, they will be saved and this will be the comfort and encouragement of God’s faithful worshippers.
Let us focus our attention on things that could replace God in our lives. Thing that replace God in our hearts are the ‘idols of our heart.’ Here I am relating the idols of Babylon to the idols of our heart. Below are the supporting Scriptures for actions of a Godly life. The question here is how much of our heart do we give to the Lord and check for any Bel and Nebo we may worship instead of Jesus Christ. Are we stout hearted and are far from righteousness?
*Idols of our Heart and Action Plan
Thinking Eph: 4
Inner man Matt: 15:19 Scriptures:
Eph: 4:22-24; 2 Pet: 3:18; The decisions you make
Matt: 11:28-29; Prov: 13:15; become the act of worship.
Gal: 6:7-9; Matt: 18: 28-29;
Luk: 9:23; Col: 1:16;
Matt: 6:33; 15:19; 3:17
Rom: 8:28-29; 1 Cori: 10:13;
2 Cori: 5:9; Gen: 2
To please God and to glorify Him.
To break away from ungodly desires.
People should be able to see the difference between Christians and non-Christians because of the way Christians live. Paul says in Eph 4:17-25; that the world is alienated from God because of the blindness of their heart. This passage is a call for Christian purity and holiness in life. In their wilful disobedience they were estranged and alienated from God and their understanding is darkened; Eph 4:18. Paul tells the Ephesians to leave behind the old life of sin now that they are followers of Christ. The Christian life is a process and although we have a new nature, we do not automatically have good thoughts and attitudes when we believe in Christ Jesus. If we keep Christ as our focus and if our desire is to please God in all that we do, the power of Christ will enable to change into His likeness all the time. If we take a time scale in our journey with Christ do we see our attitudes and actions changing? Often change may be slow but surely it will come.
Apostle Paul in Eph: 4: 22 expresses himself in metaphors taken from garments. The principles, habits, and dispositions of the soul must be changed before there can be a saving change of life. There must be sanctification, which consists of: a) the old man must be put off. The corrupt nature is called ‘man’ because, like the human body it consists of various parts, mutually supporting and strengthening one another. When there is sin in the soul it corrupts all parts of the body. When sin is not put to death, it grows steadily and leads to destruction. b) It is important to put on the ‘new man’. It is important to throw off the old pattern, the sinful ways, and embrace the new pattern and write them in our hearts.
Lying to each other disrupts unity by creating conflicts and destroying trust. Truth is a debt we owe one another, and if we truly love one another we will not deceive one another; Eph: 4:25, Rom: 6:6; 8:9; Gal: 5:16-26; Col: 3:3-8. In Eph 4:23, Paul asked the Ephesians to be renewed in the spirit of your mind. The Spirit becomes essential to spiritual life, as air and water are necessary for physical life. This opens pathway for God to express divine character through people and to change lives of people as they exist in the unique environment of God’s presence. The experience of indwelling of the Holy Spirit is prominent in the New Testament; Jn 14:16, 17; Acts 2:4, 38; 11: 15-17; Rom 8:9.
The false security and self-esteem we attach ourselves with apart from God, will certainly fail our true worship to our Triune God because they are tottering things. God is challenging us to frame and form an image that should be thought a resemblance of Him, Isa 46:5.
Our Purpose in Life: Glorify God, please God and serve others. “Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter; Fear God, and keep His commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. For God shall bring every work into judgement, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil;” Ecc 12:13-14.
References:
1. Jay E. Adams The Christian Counselor’s Manual, ‘The Practice of Nouthetic Counseling’ (Grand Rapids, MI:: Zondervan, 1973)
2. Dr. Ed Murphy, ‘The Hand book for Spiritual Warfare’, ‘Revised and Updated Edition’ – (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers: 1992, 1996)
3. Gary L. Almy, M.D., ‘How Christian is Christian Counseling?’ The Dangerous Secular Influences That Keep Us From Caring For Souls, (Illinois: Crossway Books, Good News Publishers, 2000)
4 .Introduction To Biblical Counseling, “A Basic Guide To The Principles And Practice Of Counseling”- John F. MacArthur, JR. Wayne A. Mack & The Master’s College Faculty (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishing Group, 1994)
5. Fearfully and Wonderfully made; ‘A Surgeon Looks at the Human & Spiritual Body’, Dr. Paul Brand & Philip Yancey
6. Jay E. Adams, ‘A Theology of Christian Counseling’ “More than Redemption” (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1979)
7. Dr. Larry Crabb, Effective Biblical Counseling; ‘A Model for Helping Caring Christians Become Capable Counselors’ (Great Britain: Harper Collins Publishers, 1977)
8. Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling; Third edition- John G. Kruis (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1988, 1994, 2000)
9. The Mathew Henry Study Bible, ‘The best of Mathew Henry’s notes in a handy one volume’ Reference Bible, King James Version, (Iowa Falls: World Publishers, 1994, 1997)
Isaiah 46 exposes the folly of those who makes idols and pray to them. This chapter is a call for people to focus their attention in one and true Triune God, through Jesus Christ and His Spirit. False gods will certainly fail their worshippers, and the true God will never fail their worshippers. “Hearken unto Me, O house of Jacob, and all the remnant of the hose of Israel, which are borne by Me from the belly, which are carried from the womb.” Isa 46: 3. Our spiritual life is constantly sustained by His grace as our natural life is constantly sustained by His wonderful providence.
He who made all should be Lord of all, since all things derived from Him and all should be devoted to Him. “Remember the former things of old, for I am God, and there is none else; I am God, and there is none like Me;” Isa 46: 9. Bel a deified prince and Nebo a deified prophet were the two celebrated idols of Babylon that were set up on high and worshipped at ancient times; Isa 46:1. The pagan deities delivered their oracles out of dens and caverns, with a low and hollow voice, and in ambiguous expressions. But God delivered His law from the top of Mount Sinai, distinct, audible, and intelligible.
For those who oppose the counsels of God, the righteousness will be accomplished very shortly. The Word of God says that the proud and obstinate Babylonians are far from justice and righteousness and they never let the oppressed go free inspite of the petitions for God’s predictions. Daniel’s friends, humbled Jews have been in the furnace but not melted and God revealed their righteousness for His glory. Isa 46:12 says they are stout hearted and are far from righteousness. God’s counsel always stands because the Word of God says that all the prophecies will be fulfilled. Many Scripture prophecies were delivered long ago and not yet accomplished. Some are accomplished and in the mean time the rest will be fulfilled.
All true Christians who depend upon Christ for strength and righteousness, in Him shall be justified and shall glory in this. Isa 46:13 says, salvation will be brought for God’s people and if men do not bring justice and righteousness to God’s people, God will surely bring and place salvation in Zion. God will make Jerusalem a place of safety and defence for all those who plant themselves there. When God’s people look to Him in faith and pray without ceasing, they will be saved and this will be the comfort and encouragement of God’s faithful worshippers.
Let us focus our attention on things that could replace God in our lives. Thing that replace God in our hearts are the ‘idols of our heart.’ Here I am relating the idols of Babylon to the idols of our heart. Below are the supporting Scriptures for actions of a Godly life. The question here is how much of our heart do we give to the Lord and check for any Bel and Nebo we may worship instead of Jesus Christ. Are we stout hearted and are far from righteousness?
*Idols of our Heart and Action Plan
Thinking Eph: 4
Inner man Matt: 15:19 Scriptures:
Eph: 4:22-24; 2 Pet: 3:18; The decisions you make
Matt: 11:28-29; Prov: 13:15; become the act of worship.
Gal: 6:7-9; Matt: 18: 28-29;
Luk: 9:23; Col: 1:16;
Matt: 6:33; 15:19; 3:17
Rom: 8:28-29; 1 Cori: 10:13;
2 Cori: 5:9; Gen: 2
To please God and to glorify Him.
To break away from ungodly desires.
People should be able to see the difference between Christians and non-Christians because of the way Christians live. Paul says in Eph 4:17-25; that the world is alienated from God because of the blindness of their heart. This passage is a call for Christian purity and holiness in life. In their wilful disobedience they were estranged and alienated from God and their understanding is darkened; Eph 4:18. Paul tells the Ephesians to leave behind the old life of sin now that they are followers of Christ. The Christian life is a process and although we have a new nature, we do not automatically have good thoughts and attitudes when we believe in Christ Jesus. If we keep Christ as our focus and if our desire is to please God in all that we do, the power of Christ will enable to change into His likeness all the time. If we take a time scale in our journey with Christ do we see our attitudes and actions changing? Often change may be slow but surely it will come.
Apostle Paul in Eph: 4: 22 expresses himself in metaphors taken from garments. The principles, habits, and dispositions of the soul must be changed before there can be a saving change of life. There must be sanctification, which consists of: a) the old man must be put off. The corrupt nature is called ‘man’ because, like the human body it consists of various parts, mutually supporting and strengthening one another. When there is sin in the soul it corrupts all parts of the body. When sin is not put to death, it grows steadily and leads to destruction. b) It is important to put on the ‘new man’. It is important to throw off the old pattern, the sinful ways, and embrace the new pattern and write them in our hearts.
Lying to each other disrupts unity by creating conflicts and destroying trust. Truth is a debt we owe one another, and if we truly love one another we will not deceive one another; Eph: 4:25, Rom: 6:6; 8:9; Gal: 5:16-26; Col: 3:3-8. In Eph 4:23, Paul asked the Ephesians to be renewed in the spirit of your mind. The Spirit becomes essential to spiritual life, as air and water are necessary for physical life. This opens pathway for God to express divine character through people and to change lives of people as they exist in the unique environment of God’s presence. The experience of indwelling of the Holy Spirit is prominent in the New Testament; Jn 14:16, 17; Acts 2:4, 38; 11: 15-17; Rom 8:9.
The false security and self-esteem we attach ourselves with apart from God, will certainly fail our true worship to our Triune God because they are tottering things. God is challenging us to frame and form an image that should be thought a resemblance of Him, Isa 46:5.
Our Purpose in Life: Glorify God, please God and serve others. “Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter; Fear God, and keep His commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. For God shall bring every work into judgement, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil;” Ecc 12:13-14.
References:
1. Jay E. Adams The Christian Counselor’s Manual, ‘The Practice of Nouthetic Counseling’ (Grand Rapids, MI:: Zondervan, 1973)
2. Dr. Ed Murphy, ‘The Hand book for Spiritual Warfare’, ‘Revised and Updated Edition’ – (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers: 1992, 1996)
3. Gary L. Almy, M.D., ‘How Christian is Christian Counseling?’ The Dangerous Secular Influences That Keep Us From Caring For Souls, (Illinois: Crossway Books, Good News Publishers, 2000)
4 .Introduction To Biblical Counseling, “A Basic Guide To The Principles And Practice Of Counseling”- John F. MacArthur, JR. Wayne A. Mack & The Master’s College Faculty (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishing Group, 1994)
5. Fearfully and Wonderfully made; ‘A Surgeon Looks at the Human & Spiritual Body’, Dr. Paul Brand & Philip Yancey
6. Jay E. Adams, ‘A Theology of Christian Counseling’ “More than Redemption” (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1979)
7. Dr. Larry Crabb, Effective Biblical Counseling; ‘A Model for Helping Caring Christians Become Capable Counselors’ (Great Britain: Harper Collins Publishers, 1977)
8. Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling; Third edition- John G. Kruis (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1988, 1994, 2000)
9. The Mathew Henry Study Bible, ‘The best of Mathew Henry’s notes in a handy one volume’ Reference Bible, King James Version, (Iowa Falls: World Publishers, 1994, 1997)
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Working with Medical Professionals /Vs / Psychologists as a Biblical Counselor
Working with Medical Professionals /Vs / Psychologists as a Biblical Counselor
Working with a Physician: I will follow the following procedure if I suspect medical issues with the counselee and weed out my suspicion before counselling Scriptures.
History ----*** Physical examination ---- Medical Tests ---- Treatment if necessary
*** At this point the decision has to be made whether the patient had to go to a Medical Professional or a Biblical Counselor. I will gladly work with a Physician and explore all the possibilities to help the counselee. We need to know our abilities and limits well enough to know whether we should refer our counselee to a professional. While taking the case History look for the following: Chronic behaviour pattern, strong aggressiveness noted in attitudes, speech, thought, and actions, false guilt building up, lacking the ability to think about the consequences of their actions, threatening suicide, any dependence on drugs or alcohol, the person does not seem to be trying to get better, the counsellor getting the sense that they are manipulated, and the physical symptoms are tense and of long duration; Refer this counselee to a Medical Professional for a full Medical check up. This will not harm the counselee, but helps to weed out problems and sets Biblical counseling at the right road at an earlier stage.
Brandt (1988, p. 189) states that certain dysfunctions of the endocrine system can be chief sources of depression. Specific failures of the thyroid gland (hypothyroidism), the adrenal glands (affecting sodium and electrolyte balance), and pancreas (hypoglycemia) have all been related to the onset of depression. Lack of nutrition can also be an overlooked cause of depressive symptoms, and laboratory tests can identify any vitamin deficiencies. Emotional distress interferes with the proper absorption of vitamins, minerals and amino acids, which in turn can alter the availability of neurotransmitters. A thorough medical examination is recommended before any drug administration and Biblical counselling.
A word of caution to Biblical counsellors: Depression and mood disorders can be divided into: major depression, bipolar disorder, dysthymic disorder, and also cyclothymic disorder as the primary disorders of mood. Major depression, also called unipolar depression, is identified by sad, empty, or hopeless feelings; slowed physical and cognitive behaviour, including cognitive disorientation; change in weight, appetite and sleeping patterns; diminished interest or pleasure in activities and time spend with friends; and occasional to frequent thoughts of death and suicide. The presence of several of these symptoms for a period of exceeding two or more weeks is a symptom and sufficient criteria for a major depressive episode. Referrals for Medical professional help can be an important part of a Biblical counsellor. If the depression has its roots in helplessness and hopelessness, the Biblical counsellor can surely be a messenger of hope.
With knowledge gained from the world of Science and Medicine, Dr. Paul Brand probes deeply into the world of cells, bones, skin, muscles and nerves to show how the human body so authentically expresses spiritual reality and reveals the perfect aptness of Paul’s metaphor, the body of Christ. “The Body of Christ, like our own bodies, is composed of individual, unlike cells that are knit together to form one Body. He is the whole thing, and the joy of the Body increases as individual cell realize they are not to be isolated outposts.”1 - Fearfully and Wonderfully made; ‘A Surgeon Looks at the Human & Spiritual Body’; Dr. Paul Brand & Philip Yancey.
I will work enthusiastically with Christian Physicians and frequently will send the counselees for medical check ups and at the same time working with the psychologist, I have to think on the following.
First, psychology is not a true science and it does not deal with objective, measurable data that can be subjected for reliable tests and confirmed by the scientific method. It is a pseudo-science, and most of its cardinal doctrines are mere speculations, not reliable truth.
Second, unlike medicine and physics, psychology deals with matters that are fundamentally spiritual. The word psychology means “study of the soul”. Scriptures certainly claim absolute sufficiency in addressing these needs; 2 Tim: 3:16-17; Psa: 19:7; 2 Pet: 1:3.
A psychiatrist’s medical training could help determine if some one has a neurological problem or other associated organic problems which may contribute to a person’s problem in living. A psychologist may be able to help by doing an intelligence test for that particular individual. Very often psychiatrists and psychologists adopt the role of a psychotherapist by entering into the domain of the Spirit and the Word and ministry and counsel people in very unbiblical ways. I worked with a psychologist for 8 months after I finished my Master’s of Divinity in Biblical Counseling, so I can confidently mention this.
Psychotherapy is a money making venture and psychologists apart from doing this, influence the Christian church by selling books, conferences, videos, tapes and radio shows. They have gained the right to interpret human beings and their problems, the right to work with people experiencing problems in living and the right to endeavour to solve people’s problems in a Christian circle.
Popular Christian Psychologists are united in teaching that fundamental problems of people stem from low self - esteem, deep yearning for relationship, search for significance, unmet needs, wounds, trauma etc and destroys hope in Jesus Christ. This is in total contrast to what God’s Word teaches us: i.e. the fundamental problems of mankind stems from sin; i.e. the active desires, the thought pattern, and the intentions of the heart. My concern after working with the Psychologist is, that they confess their first love and commitment is for Lord Jesus Christ but deviate markedly from that professed commitment in their theory and practice. Very often I have realised that their verbal commitment to the Word of God coexists with deviant teachings from the enemies of the Word. This is very scary and the enemy has started the work from within and we can relate this with Jesus Christ talking about wolfs in sheep clothing.
Examples:
If I have a child to assess if he is ready emotionally, physically ready to enter grade one. I will take him to Medical Doctor for Physical questions; To the Principal and other grade one teachers for other questions and talk to other parents who may be a resource. Or I will talk to my mum who had trained and educated many godly children about the problems.
If I need a Career change and I want an objective evaluation of my strengths and weaknesses I will go to a Pastoral Counselor who could think through the motives for considering change as well as help me with other aspects of decision –making process. I will go to a possible career counsellor who could provide interest and aptitude testing and knowledge of the job market.
In a problem of depression, Pastoral counselling and Spiritual help is of ‘real’ help than Psychology. Heb: 9:14; “The blood of Christ….. that cleanses your conscience from dead works to serve the living God.” We need not have to add a psychological theory to the unfailing testimony of God’s Word.
I will probably never want to work with a psychologist unless the person bearing the title is committed to Biblical counselling and their professional title is incidental. Scripture and popular psychology differ sharply in the area of insight. Therapists guide people away from any conviction of sin and lead them to blame others for their problems. It is an approach that fails to meet the true human need. These Therapists even move within the church more as people possessing secret knowledge and we have to be aware of this. God gives each person a conscience and therapists view the conscience as producing guilt and shame and so they say, should avoid. Scriptures on the contrary speaks of conscience as a reflection of God’s image in us, and should be used for God’s glory and for our good. God through His ‘common grace’ weaves His ‘oughts’ into each human heart, and even non-believers receive this common grace. His moral standards are woven into the very structures of our society and humans have a conscience to guide them towards decent behaviour and away from being evil. There are many Biblical counsellors who have degrees in psychology, neurology, medicine, nursing, education, and in my case chemistry, and their methods in their specialities they have rejected in favour of Biblical theory and practice.
Psychology can be a “useful adjunct” to Biblical counselling in two ways. 1. “For the purposes of illustrating, filling in generalizations with specifics” 2. “Challenging wrong human interpretations of Scriptures, thereby forcing the student to restudy the Scriptures.”2- Jay E. Adams
Notes and References:
1. Fearfully and Wonderfully made; ‘A Surgeon Looks at the Human & Spiritual Body’, Dr. Paul Brand & Philip Yancey.
2. Jay E. Adams, ‘A theology of Christian Counseling; More than Redemption: How sin affects Thinking’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1979, p. 34-37)
3. John F. MacArthur, JR. Wayne A. Mack & The Master’s College Faculty, ‘Introduction To Biblical Counseling, “A Basic Guide To The Principles And Practice Of Counseling” (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1994, p.341; 368-369; 371-372; 374-375; 382-385 ;)
2. Jay E. Adams, ‘A theology of Christian Counseling; More than Redemption: How sin affects Thinking’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1979, p. 34-37)
4. Lucibel VanAtta, ‘Women Encouraging Women’ (Portland: Multnomah Press, 1987, p.129-130)
5. Gary L. Almy, M.D., ‘How Christian is Christian counseling?’ The Dangerous Secular Influences That Keep Us From Caring For Souls, (Illinois: Crossway Books, Good News Publishers, 2000, p.43-51)
6. Jay E. Adams, ‘How to Help People Change’ The Four-step Biblical Process, (Grand rapids: Zondervan, 1986, p. 10-15)
7. David G. Benner & Peter C. Hill, ‘Baker Encyclopaedia of Psychology & Counseling’ Second Edition, (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1985, 1999, p. 338-340)
8. Jay E. Adams, ‘The Christian Counselor’s Manual, ‘The Practice of Nouthetic Counseling’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1973, P.71-98; 375-388)
9. Jay E. Adams, ‘Competent to Counsel, ‘Introduction To Nouthetic Counseling’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1970, p.78-100; 139)
Working with a Physician: I will follow the following procedure if I suspect medical issues with the counselee and weed out my suspicion before counselling Scriptures.
History ----*** Physical examination ---- Medical Tests ---- Treatment if necessary
*** At this point the decision has to be made whether the patient had to go to a Medical Professional or a Biblical Counselor. I will gladly work with a Physician and explore all the possibilities to help the counselee. We need to know our abilities and limits well enough to know whether we should refer our counselee to a professional. While taking the case History look for the following: Chronic behaviour pattern, strong aggressiveness noted in attitudes, speech, thought, and actions, false guilt building up, lacking the ability to think about the consequences of their actions, threatening suicide, any dependence on drugs or alcohol, the person does not seem to be trying to get better, the counsellor getting the sense that they are manipulated, and the physical symptoms are tense and of long duration; Refer this counselee to a Medical Professional for a full Medical check up. This will not harm the counselee, but helps to weed out problems and sets Biblical counseling at the right road at an earlier stage.
Brandt (1988, p. 189) states that certain dysfunctions of the endocrine system can be chief sources of depression. Specific failures of the thyroid gland (hypothyroidism), the adrenal glands (affecting sodium and electrolyte balance), and pancreas (hypoglycemia) have all been related to the onset of depression. Lack of nutrition can also be an overlooked cause of depressive symptoms, and laboratory tests can identify any vitamin deficiencies. Emotional distress interferes with the proper absorption of vitamins, minerals and amino acids, which in turn can alter the availability of neurotransmitters. A thorough medical examination is recommended before any drug administration and Biblical counselling.
A word of caution to Biblical counsellors: Depression and mood disorders can be divided into: major depression, bipolar disorder, dysthymic disorder, and also cyclothymic disorder as the primary disorders of mood. Major depression, also called unipolar depression, is identified by sad, empty, or hopeless feelings; slowed physical and cognitive behaviour, including cognitive disorientation; change in weight, appetite and sleeping patterns; diminished interest or pleasure in activities and time spend with friends; and occasional to frequent thoughts of death and suicide. The presence of several of these symptoms for a period of exceeding two or more weeks is a symptom and sufficient criteria for a major depressive episode. Referrals for Medical professional help can be an important part of a Biblical counsellor. If the depression has its roots in helplessness and hopelessness, the Biblical counsellor can surely be a messenger of hope.
With knowledge gained from the world of Science and Medicine, Dr. Paul Brand probes deeply into the world of cells, bones, skin, muscles and nerves to show how the human body so authentically expresses spiritual reality and reveals the perfect aptness of Paul’s metaphor, the body of Christ. “The Body of Christ, like our own bodies, is composed of individual, unlike cells that are knit together to form one Body. He is the whole thing, and the joy of the Body increases as individual cell realize they are not to be isolated outposts.”1 - Fearfully and Wonderfully made; ‘A Surgeon Looks at the Human & Spiritual Body’; Dr. Paul Brand & Philip Yancey.
I will work enthusiastically with Christian Physicians and frequently will send the counselees for medical check ups and at the same time working with the psychologist, I have to think on the following.
First, psychology is not a true science and it does not deal with objective, measurable data that can be subjected for reliable tests and confirmed by the scientific method. It is a pseudo-science, and most of its cardinal doctrines are mere speculations, not reliable truth.
Second, unlike medicine and physics, psychology deals with matters that are fundamentally spiritual. The word psychology means “study of the soul”. Scriptures certainly claim absolute sufficiency in addressing these needs; 2 Tim: 3:16-17; Psa: 19:7; 2 Pet: 1:3.
A psychiatrist’s medical training could help determine if some one has a neurological problem or other associated organic problems which may contribute to a person’s problem in living. A psychologist may be able to help by doing an intelligence test for that particular individual. Very often psychiatrists and psychologists adopt the role of a psychotherapist by entering into the domain of the Spirit and the Word and ministry and counsel people in very unbiblical ways. I worked with a psychologist for 8 months after I finished my Master’s of Divinity in Biblical Counseling, so I can confidently mention this.
Psychotherapy is a money making venture and psychologists apart from doing this, influence the Christian church by selling books, conferences, videos, tapes and radio shows. They have gained the right to interpret human beings and their problems, the right to work with people experiencing problems in living and the right to endeavour to solve people’s problems in a Christian circle.
Popular Christian Psychologists are united in teaching that fundamental problems of people stem from low self - esteem, deep yearning for relationship, search for significance, unmet needs, wounds, trauma etc and destroys hope in Jesus Christ. This is in total contrast to what God’s Word teaches us: i.e. the fundamental problems of mankind stems from sin; i.e. the active desires, the thought pattern, and the intentions of the heart. My concern after working with the Psychologist is, that they confess their first love and commitment is for Lord Jesus Christ but deviate markedly from that professed commitment in their theory and practice. Very often I have realised that their verbal commitment to the Word of God coexists with deviant teachings from the enemies of the Word. This is very scary and the enemy has started the work from within and we can relate this with Jesus Christ talking about wolfs in sheep clothing.
Examples:
If I have a child to assess if he is ready emotionally, physically ready to enter grade one. I will take him to Medical Doctor for Physical questions; To the Principal and other grade one teachers for other questions and talk to other parents who may be a resource. Or I will talk to my mum who had trained and educated many godly children about the problems.
If I need a Career change and I want an objective evaluation of my strengths and weaknesses I will go to a Pastoral Counselor who could think through the motives for considering change as well as help me with other aspects of decision –making process. I will go to a possible career counsellor who could provide interest and aptitude testing and knowledge of the job market.
In a problem of depression, Pastoral counselling and Spiritual help is of ‘real’ help than Psychology. Heb: 9:14; “The blood of Christ….. that cleanses your conscience from dead works to serve the living God.” We need not have to add a psychological theory to the unfailing testimony of God’s Word.
I will probably never want to work with a psychologist unless the person bearing the title is committed to Biblical counselling and their professional title is incidental. Scripture and popular psychology differ sharply in the area of insight. Therapists guide people away from any conviction of sin and lead them to blame others for their problems. It is an approach that fails to meet the true human need. These Therapists even move within the church more as people possessing secret knowledge and we have to be aware of this. God gives each person a conscience and therapists view the conscience as producing guilt and shame and so they say, should avoid. Scriptures on the contrary speaks of conscience as a reflection of God’s image in us, and should be used for God’s glory and for our good. God through His ‘common grace’ weaves His ‘oughts’ into each human heart, and even non-believers receive this common grace. His moral standards are woven into the very structures of our society and humans have a conscience to guide them towards decent behaviour and away from being evil. There are many Biblical counsellors who have degrees in psychology, neurology, medicine, nursing, education, and in my case chemistry, and their methods in their specialities they have rejected in favour of Biblical theory and practice.
Psychology can be a “useful adjunct” to Biblical counselling in two ways. 1. “For the purposes of illustrating, filling in generalizations with specifics” 2. “Challenging wrong human interpretations of Scriptures, thereby forcing the student to restudy the Scriptures.”2- Jay E. Adams
Notes and References:
1. Fearfully and Wonderfully made; ‘A Surgeon Looks at the Human & Spiritual Body’, Dr. Paul Brand & Philip Yancey.
2. Jay E. Adams, ‘A theology of Christian Counseling; More than Redemption: How sin affects Thinking’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1979, p. 34-37)
3. John F. MacArthur, JR. Wayne A. Mack & The Master’s College Faculty, ‘Introduction To Biblical Counseling, “A Basic Guide To The Principles And Practice Of Counseling” (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1994, p.341; 368-369; 371-372; 374-375; 382-385 ;)
2. Jay E. Adams, ‘A theology of Christian Counseling; More than Redemption: How sin affects Thinking’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1979, p. 34-37)
4. Lucibel VanAtta, ‘Women Encouraging Women’ (Portland: Multnomah Press, 1987, p.129-130)
5. Gary L. Almy, M.D., ‘How Christian is Christian counseling?’ The Dangerous Secular Influences That Keep Us From Caring For Souls, (Illinois: Crossway Books, Good News Publishers, 2000, p.43-51)
6. Jay E. Adams, ‘How to Help People Change’ The Four-step Biblical Process, (Grand rapids: Zondervan, 1986, p. 10-15)
7. David G. Benner & Peter C. Hill, ‘Baker Encyclopaedia of Psychology & Counseling’ Second Edition, (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1985, 1999, p. 338-340)
8. Jay E. Adams, ‘The Christian Counselor’s Manual, ‘The Practice of Nouthetic Counseling’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1973, P.71-98; 375-388)
9. Jay E. Adams, ‘Competent to Counsel, ‘Introduction To Nouthetic Counseling’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1970, p.78-100; 139)
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Refiner's Fire
Refiner’s Fire
Mal 3:2
“But who may abide the day of his coming? and who shall stand when he appeareth? for he [is] like a refiner's fire, and like fullers' soap”: KJV
Mal 3:3
“And he shall sit [as] a refiner and purifier of silver: and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the LORD an offering in righteousness”. KJV
‘Who shall stand’? During the life history of Jesus Christ we see there were some emanations of His glory and power, and no one could stand before Him; a good example is the witness of His transfiguration; Mat 17: 1-13.
‘Purge them’ God will sanctify us inwardly. That is they may be sincere in their conversion to God and are consecrated. A good tree beareth good fruit and God wants us to be like good trees bearing good fruits for His glory and honour.
Are you in the refiner's fire today? If you are don't rebel or try to run away, just sit still and let the refiner do His work. The Bible says: 'He will sit like a refiner of silver, burning away the dross. He will purify [them], refining them like gold and silver, so that they may once again offer acceptable sacrifices to the Lord.' A woman who read this verse at a Bible study wanted to know how it related to her walk with God, so she made an appointment with the silversmith. Without mentioning anything other than a general interest in the process, she sat and observed him work. She watched as he held the silver over the fire, explaining that in order to burn away every impurity he had to keep it in the middle where it was hottest. She asked him if he usually sat in front of the fire the entire time. 'Yes,' he replied, 'not only do I have to hold it, I must watch it. If I leave it there too long it will be destroyed.' After thinking about that for awhile she asked, 'How do you know when the process is complete?' Smiling, he replied, 'That's easy; I see my face reflected in it.'
If you're in the refiner's fire today, remember: a) He knows what He's doing, so trust Him b) He won't allow you to be destroyed by the circumstances, or take His eye off you c) when the process is complete, you'll be more like Jesus and less like your old self. Isn't that what you want? Isn't that what you've prayed for!
Mal 3:2
“But who may abide the day of his coming? and who shall stand when he appeareth? for he [is] like a refiner's fire, and like fullers' soap”: KJV
Mal 3:3
“And he shall sit [as] a refiner and purifier of silver: and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the LORD an offering in righteousness”. KJV
‘Who shall stand’? During the life history of Jesus Christ we see there were some emanations of His glory and power, and no one could stand before Him; a good example is the witness of His transfiguration; Mat 17: 1-13.
‘Purge them’ God will sanctify us inwardly. That is they may be sincere in their conversion to God and are consecrated. A good tree beareth good fruit and God wants us to be like good trees bearing good fruits for His glory and honour.
Are you in the refiner's fire today? If you are don't rebel or try to run away, just sit still and let the refiner do His work. The Bible says: 'He will sit like a refiner of silver, burning away the dross. He will purify [them], refining them like gold and silver, so that they may once again offer acceptable sacrifices to the Lord.' A woman who read this verse at a Bible study wanted to know how it related to her walk with God, so she made an appointment with the silversmith. Without mentioning anything other than a general interest in the process, she sat and observed him work. She watched as he held the silver over the fire, explaining that in order to burn away every impurity he had to keep it in the middle where it was hottest. She asked him if he usually sat in front of the fire the entire time. 'Yes,' he replied, 'not only do I have to hold it, I must watch it. If I leave it there too long it will be destroyed.' After thinking about that for awhile she asked, 'How do you know when the process is complete?' Smiling, he replied, 'That's easy; I see my face reflected in it.'
If you're in the refiner's fire today, remember: a) He knows what He's doing, so trust Him b) He won't allow you to be destroyed by the circumstances, or take His eye off you c) when the process is complete, you'll be more like Jesus and less like your old self. Isn't that what you want? Isn't that what you've prayed for!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Personal inside of a believer vs. non-believer
Personal inside of a believer vs. non-believer
anxiety) spring from deficit motivation caused by wrong thinking. Anxiety,
believers getting along should have genuine love for each other.
The Psycho-anatomy of an un-believer
still evaluate the world from a false perspective. He will still behave
and behaves like a un-believer and it is a tragedy.
The Psycho-anatomy of a believer.
News Publishers, 2000, p.43-51)
(Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1970, p.78-100; 139)
Let us look at the ‘personal inside’ of a un-believer. He is very
much out for himself, and he evaluates his life in terms of the world’s
value system. He behaves in a way to meet his own needs only, and
does not care about others. Basically he has believed the devil’s lie
about how to be a person. He is truly a child of the devil and thinks and
valuates an event based on the world, Satan, and programmes
unbiblically.
How one thinks not only determines the range of behaviour form
which we may choose, but it also greatly influences how we feel. When
we analyse the psycho-anatomy of the un-believer above we come to
the following conclusions.
1. Thinking based on wrong world’s value system leads to negative
emotions, which will block compassion.
2. Emotions (depression, crippling guilt, resentment, frustration, or
anxiety) spring from deficit motivation caused by wrong thinking. Anxiety,
resentment, and guilt are the basic problem condition behind all other
personal difficulties.
Let us look briefly at anxiety, resentment, and guilt which are emotions which can rise within a person. If not dealt Biblically these emotions can be crippling and destructive. These emotions can rise within us because of:
Anxiety: is the fear that something we need will not be provided.
Resentment: comes from believing our needs are threatened by
something which God has allowed to happen to us.
Guilt: comes from believing what God provided is not enough and
then going outside of God’s will to secure what He has not provided.
If we believe all that we need is God, and what He chooses us to
provide, we will not experience any of these emotions. If our thinking is
based on Scriptures, we will begin to evaluate events Biblically. We
may feel painful emotions, but a deep care, reality and compassion will
eventually follow.
Only Christians whose needs are met in Christ is capable of
sustained compassion, no matter what the circumstances are.
Distinguishing mark of a Christian should be love, and a community of
believers getting along should have genuine love for each other.
The Psycho-anatomy of an un-believer
1. Notice that the wrong belief he has learned still enter his conscious
mind, but he deliberately values the world from a Biblical frame work.
2. Notice, the arrows between behaviour and compassion points both
ways: the more compassion I feel, the more compassionately I behave.
3. Christians’ perspective is to live for Christ. He behaves as God tells
him to, and evaluates his life from God’s perspective. This person has
a deep sense of his personal worth, and knows experientially the fruit
of the Spirit.
Carnal man:
A Christian living as a carnal man is still living for himself, and will
still evaluate the world from a false perspective. He will still behave
selfishly, disobediently, and without compassion. He thinks, acts, feels
and behaves like a un-believer and it is a tragedy.
The Psycho-anatomy of a believer.
Holy Spirit provides the resources for transformation through the
normal mechanisms of the human personality we were built in. The
Spirit brings to our mind the necessary Scriptures suited for different
circumstances. The individual begins to recognize that no event can
rob him from God’s hand, and his personal worth is complete, significant,
and secured in Christ regardless of circumstances. The individual begins
to evaluate life events Biblically, and the Spirit of God helps the individual
to deepen his appreciation of God’s truth.
His Christian belief begins to seep down his basic assumption system, and slowly replaces ‘wrong beliefs’ he had from early child hood. He is on the process of sanctification, and he becomes mature, his inner man is changing. This individual regards himself as non-threatened and begins to express his worth in worship and service. This transformation depends upon the renewing of the mind with God’s pure inerrant Word, by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Book References:
1. Dr. Larry Crabb, “Effective Biblical Counseling” How Caring Christians can Become
Capable Counselors, (Hammersmith: Marshall Pickering, 1985, p. 100-104).
2. John G. Kruis, Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling, ‘Progressive Sanctification’
(Grand rapids: Baker Books, 1988, 1994, 2000 p. 140-145).
3. Fearfully and Wonderfully made; ‘A Surgeon Looks at the Human & Spiritual Body’,
Dr. Paul Brand & Philip Yancey.
4. Jay E. Adams, ‘A theology of Christian Counseling; More than Redemption: How sin
affects Thinking’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1979, p. 34-37)
5. John F. MacArthur, JR. Wayne A. Mack & The Master’s College Faculty, ‘Introduction
To Biblical Counseling, “A Basic Guide To The Principles And Practice Of Counseling”
(Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1994, p.341; 368-369; 371-372; 374-375; 382-
385 ;)
6. Jay E. Adams, ‘A theology of Christian Counseling; More than Redemption: How sin
affects Thinking’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1979, p. 34-37)
7. Lucibel VanAtta, ‘Women Encouraging Women’ (Portland: Multnomah Press, 1987,
p.129-130)
8. Gary L. Almy, M.D., ‘How Christian is Christian counseling?’ The Dangerous Secular
Influences That Keep Us From Caring For Souls, (Illinois: Crossway Books, Good
News Publishers, 2000, p.43-51)
9. Jay E. Adams, ‘How to Help People Change’ The Four-step Biblical Process, (Grand
rapids: Zondervan, 1986, p. 10-15)
10. David G. Benner & Peter C. Hill, ‘Baker Encyclopaedia of Psychology & Counseling’
Second Edition, (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1985, 1999, p. 338-340)
11. Jay E. Adams, ‘The Christian Counselor’s Manual, ‘The Practice of Nouthetic
Counseling’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1973, P.71-98; 375-388)
12. Jay E. Adams, ‘Competent to Counsel, ‘Introduction To Nouthetic Counseling’
(Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1970, p.78-100; 139)
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