How to overcome guilt with forgiveness?

 

Forgiveness, pardoning one´s sin, does not come easily for most of us. Our natural instinct is to recoil in self-protection when we have been injured. We do not naturally overflow with mercy, grace, and forgiveness when we've been wronged.[1] In this section I want to elaborate first on the vertical and horizontal aspect of forgiveness and then on several reasons why we should forgive.

           The Flow of forgiveness: Vertical and Horizontal Forgiveness

1. God

If we picture a world without forgiveness, we need to humbly confess that God´s forgiveness and his willingness to pay the price of that forgiveness makes a real difference in our vision of human life. It is God´s love and forgiveness toward us which forms the basis for our forgiveness towards ourselves and others, which I call vertical forgiveness. God is not only the author and perfecter of our life and faith (Hebrews 12:1) but also of our forgiveness. Pride, rather than forgiveness, is our human default setting, and therefore the concept of forgiveness is a divine concept. He enables us to forgive! Everything we have comes ultimately from Him!

2. Self

Without experiencing this vertical forgiveness of our sins (John 3:16), we cannot forgive ourselves, which is necessary to forgive others. Though talking about love, Matthew 22:29 (love your neighbor as yourself) supports this principle: Our love for our neighbor is based on our love for ourselves. Not loving ourselves will disable us to genuinely love our neighbor. In line with this train of thought: if we cannot forgive ourselves, how are we supposed to forgive others?

Experiencing the forgiveness of God brings us back in right relationship with God. Through this right relationship with God, we now have the hope of discovering our true selves and of being able to live at peace with what we find. We also have the hope of discovering others, meeting them in no exploitative intimacy instead of self-serving manipulation.[2]

Forgiving ourselves also implies accepting the way we look and are. It means accepting-even though we may not be perfect—that when God created us he said “behold, it is very good” (Genesis 1:31). Believing anything else about ourselves is declaring God to be a liar.

3. Others

Based on the forgiveness of God (vertical forgiveness), applied in forgiving ourselves, we are able to forgive other people: horizontal forgiveness. However, in order to make the flow of forgiveness more visual, above is a simple diagram.

Do we need to forgive God?

Common sense tells us that we can only forgive if there anything to forgive. If someone is not breaking a law or wronging somebody, he does not need forgiveness but is righteous. Having said this, we have to answer the question: is God sinning against us? Though it may look like God is wronging us and that he offends ‘our rights,’ he is not. God is the potter, and we are the clay.

Paul says “who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, ‘Why have you made me like this?’ Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honored use and another for dishonorable use?” (Romans 9:21-22). Since God is God and we are created by Him, he has the right to do whatever he wants to. However, in his unfailing love for us he says in Jeremiah 29:11, “‘For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the LORD, ‘plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.’”

So, it is very possible that occurring events are not pleasing to us. Jeanette Lockerbie says that “we will never be able to understand or explain the wonderful alchemy that produces sweetness out of sorrow, beauty from ashes, peace in the midst of pain.”[3]

 

Website Reference:

        1. Guilt and Forgiveness www.grin.com/en/e-book/143262/guilt-and-forgiveness

2. William T. Kirwan, Biblical Concepts for Christian Counseling, (Grand Rapids: Baker Book ... Guilt is the 'phenomena' humanity has been dealing with since the fall of Adam and Eve. .... Your comment is reviewed before being published ...

 

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¹About.com is a part of New York Times company. Article “What Does the Bible Say About Forgiveness? “was authored by Mary Fairchild. Date of publishing this article is unknown. Accessed on 10.12.2009.

²Leroy Aden and David G. Benner, Counseling, and the Human Predicament,206.

[3] Jeanette Lockerbie | Christian Books - Moody Publishers https://www.moodypublishers.com/authors/l/jeanette-lockerbiJEANETTE LOCKERBIE (1916-1998) homemaker, writing consultant, lecturer, and author of nearly forty books, was born in Scotland and spent her adult years in Canada and the United States. Jeanette was author of numerous books including Morning Glories and Salt in my Kitchen. In addition to her responsibilities as a pastor’s and missionary’s wife, she also served as staff editor for Psychology ...

How do we deal with guilt?

 

Guilt is the ‘phenomena’ humanity has been dealing with since the fall of Adam and Eve. Nevertheless, there are four common approaches I may consider. First, as in the 60´s, it was the common practice to convince someone that he should not feel guilty for divorcing his wife, because divorce is legal. Second, as in the 70´s, people were encouraged to see themselves as more than their guilt. Their potential for good would overcome their guilt. Third, as many people believe, one has to feel guilty only when one is being caught. If no one knows, no one worries.¹

These approaches lead only to denial and ignorance. None of them deals with the core of guilt, which is sin. Therefore, I want to consider the fourth option: forgiveness. It may be the most time-consuming treatment of guilt, but the only one that is really orthodox with scripture and the only one that brings true holistic restoration and healing.

Leroy Aden understands forgiveness as a divine tool for dealing with brokenness: “Guilt speaks with a loud voice, but forgiveness has the last word.”²According to the dictionary, forgiveness is granting pardon for a mistake or wrongdoing, to free someone from penalty (like a sentence) or obligation (like a debt or payment).³Forgiveness is the response to sin and an act of grace which cannot be earned or deserved (Romans 3:23). Forgiveness denies the self that demands its “rights.” It is, as David Augsburger said, “like turning a key in the lock. You never go back to look at it again. It´s closed. Forever.”⁴

Therefore, we can say that forgiveness is the highest form of giving in a relationship, as we can see when Jesus was incarnated and died for our sins so that whoever repents shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).

Leroy Aden highlights that forgiveness is not only the center of relationships, but also of Christian faith on which all other biblical claims rest.⁵Forgiveness suggests that there is another and better way than to ignore and deny guilt, which allows us to be honest about the reality of our own guilt and that of others. It encourages us to take honest responsibility for our own side of relationship.⁶Though forgiveness is a gift, it requires that the guilty person repents and turns away from his sin and desires and pursues to cure the cause of the problem.⁷

Having said this, forgiveness, pardoning one´s sin, does not come easily for most of us. Our natural instinct is to recoil in self-protection when we have been injured. We do not naturally overflow with mercy, grace, and forgiveness when we've been wronged.⁸In the next section I want to elaborate first on the vertical and horizontal aspect of forgiveness and then on several reasons why we should forgive.

References:

¹Gary R. Collins, Counseling and Guilt,(Texas: Word Books Publisher, 1987), 40.

²Leroy Aden and David G. Benner, Counseling, and the Human Predicament -A study of Sin, Guilt, and forgiveness-

(Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1989), 184.

³The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language.

⁴David Augsburger, Caring Enough to Not Forgive,(Scottdale: Herald Press, 1981), 39.

⁵Leroy Aden and David G. Benner, Counseling, and the Human Predicament,177.

⁶Ibid., 183.

⁷Duncean Buchanan, The Counselling of Jesus,(Illinois: InterVarsity Press, 1985), 101.

⁸About.com is a part of New York Times company. Article “What Does the Bible Say About Forgiveness?” was authored by Mary Fairchild. Date of publishing this article is unknown. Accessed on 10.12.2009.

Guilt: Psychological and Theological guilt

 Today's blog is about guilt and the difference between "Psychological and Theological guilt."

Guilt: Definition

The dictionary defines guilt as, “Remorse and regret, caused by having committed an offence, crime, violation, or wrong, esp. against moral, religious or penal law; justly subject to a certain accusation or penalty.”¹

Guilt is caused by breaking a law which the Bible calls sin; falling short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Since one is declared ‘guilty’ or ‘not guilty,’ it is therefore not a feeling but a status we have because of sin or breaking a law. However, being guilty is usually accompanied by emotions of regret, inadequacy, unworthiness, remorse, embarrassment, shame, and blame-consequences that are painful. Unresolved guilt does have the power to destroy one´s life emotionally, physically, and spiritually, and I will explore this part at a later point.

Psychological and Theological guilt

Satan accusing us: Psychological guilt is the internalization of the emotional experience of, for example, being rejected or shamed by one´s parents, or some one closer.  It involves self-rejection (“I´m not worthy”) or self-shame (“I always blow it”). Psychological guilt often leads to self-punishment (such as cutting)² and self-denial as an attempt to find relief, which turns out to be not a relief at all. Sadly, destructive thoughts such as “I deserve punishment,” or “I don´t deserve to live” are the motivation for a shockingly high percentage of people who see their only way out of their shame and guilt. 

In one's despair in attempting to find relief, even committing, or wanting to commit suicide seem to be the inward thought process in some individuals. However, nowhere in the New Testament is psychological guilt regarded as a desirable or constructive feeling. In fact, Paul says that worldly sorrow leads to death, but godly sorrow (i.e., theological guilt) can lead to life (2 Cor. 7:10).³

The root of psychological guilt is often the ‘diablo,’ which is the Greek word for Satan.⁴ In Zechariah 3:1 and Revelation 12:10 we learn that he is also called "the accuser of the brethren." 

The Holy Spirit convicting us: Theological guilt is the Holy Spirit convicting us of breaking God’s law as it is recorded in the Bible. This leads to the feeling of having failed in one’s relationship with God. Dealing with it in the proper way leads to reconciliation and restoration of a full relationship with God and others.⁵ On the other hand, rejecting the Holy Spirit´s guidance leads to the hardening of our hearts (Hebrews 3:15) and grieving of the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 4:30).

¹The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. Article “guilty” was accessed on 10 Dec. 2009. <Dictionary.com<span="">http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/guilty>.</Dictionary.com<>

²William T. Kirwan, Biblical Concepts for Christian Counseling,(Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1984), 197.

³Ibid..

⁴The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language

⁵William T. Kirwan, Biblical Concepts for Christian Counseling,198.