Marriages struggle under the
freight of fall. We struggle with sin in all aspects in every dimension and in
marriage more intensely with a potential for damage. Marriages are a crucible
not only for sin to be exposed but also for forgiveness to restore relationship
and intensify our hope for heaven. Redemption
can never come without the war.
The fall not only affected the
relationships, but the fallout of sin also affected the internal makeup of man
and woman. God in His grace provides to Adam and Eve, clothes to cover their
nakedness after the fall. This account of fall should remind the readers of
this article that we will never experience the kind of intimacy, passion, and union
God intended for husbands and wives! In
other words, increased loneliness and sense of futility came in full in
marriages after the Fall.
Take a life illustration as an
example, when one doubts at their capacity to deal with the chaos of life, it is
easier to snipe at their spouse, and blame for their lonely existence. It is
easier to blame the other spouse and not acknowledging what is wrong in their
marriage! One needs to see their options in life; either choose to live by
pretense or to be broken by their sin and surrender to the Gospel.
After all, we are sinners, every
single one of us born of a woman, and we are exploring the following article
based on various passages of the Book of Romans. A good indication to confirm
that we are sinners is, that our conscience constantly tells us that we are not
living up to God’s expectation for our lives!
The nature of Sin
‘Sin involves not only what we do; but also what we think
and feel.’1
Referring passages in Jam 2:8-11; it
is pretty clear that in God’s eyes the least sin is as major as the grossest
sin. Eve ate the fruit, but her dialogue with the serpent took place with Adam
next to her. When Eve finished eating it, she handed the fruit to her husband
and he ate it without an argument. Through the lens of Genesis 3, we see clearly
both Adam and Eve are two rebellious sinners. The truth here is human beings
are glorious creatures of God, as well as ugly sinners. This point has to be
understood clearly before a man and a woman enters into the marriage
relationship.
Sin has impacted all marriages, and
also we see how sin disrupts and occasionally tears marriage apart. We will
also see certain triggers that lead to conflicts and pain in the marriage
relationship. This includes sex,
violence, limited time and money and divided loyalty. God does not leave
His people to wallow in sin, but within the context of the Curse at the time of
Fall, God gives us a glimpse of the promise of Redemption. 15 And I will put enmity between thee and the woman,
and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt
bruise his heel. (Gen: 3:15).
The pervasiveness of
sin:
How pervasive is sin? 23 For all
have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Rom: 3:23; reminds us of
the effect of fall, and the intensity of sin. When one rely on anything but God
for sustenance, strength, wisdom and beauty that mean we have turned away from
worshipping Him. Sin is not only a matter of choosing the right from the wrong,
but in one sentence ‘sin is the refusal to
trust God’; Rom 5. Speaking metaphorically, rebellion is in our
blood. 25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and
worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for
ever. Amen; Rom 1:25. The
consequences of the Fall showed Adam and Eve just how wrong they were.
We do not see the weight of our own sin as the fundamental issue that
must be dealt with in all relational problems. It means that nothing is
free from the impact of our sin, not our intellect, feelings, choices, or
actions. But God did not create us to be sinners; He created us to be His
glorious creatures. James pointed out that the law of God is a unity and that
by breaking the law, we have broken the entire law. To break any law is to
break them all; Matt 5:48; Levi 19:2; Deut: 18:13; Jam: 2:8-11; Rom 3: 9-20.
Oddly,
it will be the ‘wounds of marriage’ that may propel each partner to look to God
in the midst of their heartache2. We now see just how deep our
guilt lies. But how many people are desperate for mercy? How many marriages
jointly propel both spouses to hunger for forgiveness? Sadly many couple
functions with the relational and spiritual detachment.
Heartaches of
Marriage:
a. Loneliness and/Futility; Ecc: 7:26-29.
Feelings shared by many people who marry in
order to find companionship and end up disillusioned because they feel lonely,
depressed, abused and more confused than before. The point to be remembered
is that after sin entered the world, the loneliness that Adam felt before the
Fall returned. Only this time the loneliness was not a benign sigh but a
heart rendering cry! We have a
hope here! Marriages after the Garden of Eden are not the final solution, but
the Promised Land that will restore Eden
Marriages can be a wonderful avenue
for intimate relationship when we no longer demand that our marriages restore
us to the bliss of Eden
b. Murder
Anger murders relationship; Matt: 5:21-26. Anger is the response to a real or perceived
attack, but it meets the challenge by pushing harder in return. The result is increased loneliness and a
sense of futility. No one stands closer than the spouse, and very often our
spouses become the object of our anger and hatred! Anger is an emotion, and if
not rightly used this emotion becomes a demand for immediate vengeance. It is
an evil desire to make some one pay for the emptiness, unfairness, and the
cruelty of life. Anger
says, “If I suffer, then you will suffer too. If I get kicked by life, then I
will kick some one who is weaker and smaller in an attempt to bear the rage I
feel toward the strong.”
c. Lust
Lust and
murder are the twisted passions that respond to the futility brought on by
loneliness in relationships. Before
adultery becomes a specific deed, it starts in the heart and it is the energy
of the heart. It is a desire gone awry, a ravenous demand to fulfill.
Other
examples of lust: gossip, craving for food….uncontrollable desire to do things;
which are ungodly…Matt: 5:27-30.
d.
Love your enemies
If we can
read Matt: 5:41-48 without our jaws
dropping out of their sockets, then we are not honest with ourselves. Jesus
here tells us that our thoughts, actions, emotions, and choices need to be
those of the Lord God of the universe. Since we do sin and continue to offend
God with our whole being, God’s standard to love our enemies is unattainable.
The royal law found in the Scripture is “Love
your neighbor as yourself”.
Hope of Redemption
Many marriages that stay together
are unhappy relationships. They do not even have to be abusive, they may simply
be cold, distant relationships that provide no compassion or support in the
battle of daily life. Hope comes in brokenness. It comes with forgiveness and a desire to cancel debt and to love
boldly. There is Biblical hope for contemporary
marriages.
The life style of repentance and
forgiveness gives us hope for joy in the present. It also looks beyond
to something greater. Knowing our faults and opening them with our spouse is
not a sign of weakness, but it is a step toward strength, and that
vulnerability produces confidence in the marital relationship. Jesus Christ
brings us hope and joy in the relationship, and help us to move forward. The Gospel opens our eyes to the Marriage
that every one of us desires3. Tragedy of tragedies will be the life
spent without having a deep personal relationship with the living God, through
Jesus Christ. I do not want that life for
anyone born of a woman and this is the cry of my heart!
Notes:
1, 2 Allender, Dan and Tremper Longman III. Intimate Allies. Carol Stream : Tyndale House publishers, 1995; pgs, 301, 346.
3
Allender, Dan and Tremper Longman III. Intimate Allies. Carol Stream : Tyndale House publishers, 1995; pg331.
Book Reference:
1. Allender,
Dan and Tremper Longman III. Intimate Allies. Carol Stream.: Tyndale
House publishers, 1995.
2. Jay E. Adams. Critical Stages of Biblical
Counseling, Finishing Well, Breaking Through, Getting Started. New
Jersey
3. Jay E. Adams. How to Help People Change, The Four-step Biblical Process.Grand Rapids
4. John F. MacArthur, JR.Wayne Nashville
5. Jay E. Adams. Lectures on Counseling.Grand Rapids
3. Jay E. Adams. How to Help People Change, The Four-step Biblical Process.
4. John F. MacArthur, JR.
5. Jay E. Adams. Lectures on Counseling.
6. The Holy Bible, New King James Version, Women of
Destiny Bible. Women Mentoring women Through the Scriptures, A Spirit Filled
Life Bible. Nashville , Tennessee
