A little glimpse into….marriages beyond the Fall

Marriages struggle under the freight of fall. We struggle with sin in all aspects in every dimension and in marriage more intensely with a potential for damage. Marriages are a crucible not only for sin to be exposed but also for forgiveness to restore relationship and intensify our hope for heaven. Redemption can never come without the war.

The fall not only affected the relationships, but the fallout of sin also affected the internal makeup of man and woman. God in His grace provides to Adam and Eve, clothes to cover their nakedness after the fall. This account of fall should remind the readers of this article that we will never experience the kind of intimacy, passion, and union God intended for husbands and wives! In other words, increased loneliness and sense of futility came in full in marriages after the Fall.

Take a life illustration as an example, when one doubts at their capacity to deal with the chaos of life, it is easier to snipe at their spouse, and blame for their lonely existence. It is easier to blame the other spouse and not acknowledging what is wrong in their marriage! One needs to see their options in life; either choose to live by pretense or to be broken by their sin and surrender to the Gospel. 

After all, we are sinners, every single one of us born of a woman, and we are exploring the following article based on various passages of the Book of Romans. A good indication to confirm that we are sinners is, that our conscience constantly tells us that we are not living up to God’s expectation for our lives!

The nature of Sin

‘Sin involves not only what we do; but also what we think and feel.’¹

Referring passages in Jam 2:8-11; it is pretty clear that in God’s eyes the least sin is as major as the grossest sin. Eve ate the fruit, but her dialogue with the serpent took place with Adam next to her. When Eve finished eating it, she handed the fruit to her husband and he ate it without an argument. Through the lens of Genesis 3, we see clearly both Adam and Eve are two rebellious sinners. The truth here is human beings are glorious creatures of God, as well as ugly sinners. This point has to be understood clearly before a man and a woman enters into the marriage relationship.

Sin has impacted all marriages, and also we see how sin disrupts and occasionally tears marriage apart. We will also see certain triggers that lead to conflicts and pain in the marriage relationship. This includes sex, violence, limited time and money and divided loyalty. God does not leave His people to wallow in sin, but within the context of the Curse at the time of Fall, God gives us a glimpse of the promise of Redemption. ¹⁵ And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel. (Gen: 3:15).

The pervasiveness of sin:

How pervasive is sin? ²³ For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Rom: 3:23; reminds us of the effect of fall, and the intensity of sin. When one rely on anything but God for sustenance, strength, wisdom and beauty that mean we have turned away from worshipping Him. Sin is not only a matter of choosing the right from the wrong, but in one sentence ‘sin is the refusal to trust God’; Rom 5. Speaking metaphorically, rebellion is in our blood. ²⁵ Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen; Rom 1:25. The consequences of the Fall showed Adam and Eve just how wrong they were.

We do not see the weight of our own sin as the fundamental issue that must be dealt with in all relational problems. It means that nothing is free from the impact of our sin, not our intellect, feelings, choices, or actions. But God did not create us to be sinners; He created us to be His glorious creatures. James pointed out that the law of God is a unity and that by breaking the law, we have broken the entire law. To break any law is to break them all; Matt 5:48; Levi 19:2; Deut: 18:13; Jam: 2:8-11; Rom 3: 9-20.

Oddly, it will be the ‘wounds of marriage’ that may propel each partner to look to God in the midst of their heartache². We now see just how deep our guilt lies. But how many people are desperate for mercy? How many marriages jointly propel both spouses to hunger for forgiveness? Sadly many couple functions with the relational and spiritual detachment.

Heartaches of Marriage:

 

a. Loneliness and/Futility; Ecc: 7:26-29.

 Feelings shared by many people who marry in order to find companionship and end up disillusioned because they feel lonely, depressed, abused and more confused than before. The point to be remembered is that after sin entered the world, the loneliness that Adam felt before the Fall returned. Only this time the loneliness was not a benign sigh but a heart rendering cry!  We have a hope here! Marriages after the Garden of Eden are not the final solution, but the Promised Land that will restore Eden.

Marriages can be a wonderful avenue for intimate relationship when we no longer demand that our marriages restore us to the bliss of Eden. The teacher in Ecclesiastes recognizes the benefits of relationship when he says, ¹¹ Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Ecc 4:11. When we feel slighted or unfulfilled by our spouse, it can fuel the lust and violence of our hearts in ways that increases the heartache.

b. Murder

Anger murders relationship; Matt: 5:21-26.  Anger is the response to a real or perceived attack, but it meets the challenge by pushing harder in return. The result is increased loneliness and a sense of futility. No one stands closer than the spouse, and very often our spouses become the object of our anger and hatred! Anger is an emotion, and if not rightly used this emotion becomes a demand for immediate vengeance. It is an evil desire to make some one pay for the emptiness, unfairness, and the cruelty of life. Anger says, “If I suffer, then you will suffer too. If I get kicked by life, then I will kick some one who is weaker and smaller in an attempt to bear the rage I feel toward the strong.”

c. Lust

Lust and murder are the twisted passions that respond to the futility brought on by loneliness in relationships. Before adultery becomes a specific deed, it starts in the heart and it is the energy of the heart. It is a desire gone awry, a ravenous demand to fulfill.

Other examples of lust: gossip, craving for food….uncontrollable desire to do things; which are ungodly…Matt: 5:27-30.

d. Love your enemies

If we can read Matt: 5:41-48 without our jaws dropping out of their sockets, then we are not honest with ourselves. Jesus here tells us that our thoughts, actions, emotions, and choices need to be those of the Lord God of the universe. Since we do sin and continue to offend God with our whole being, God’s standard to love our enemies is unattainable. The royal law found in the Scripture is “Love your neighbor as yourself”.

Hope of Redemption

Many marriages that stay together are unhappy relationships. They do not even have to be abusive, they may simply be cold, distant relationships that provide no compassion or support in the battle of daily life. Hope comes in brokenness. It comes with forgiveness and a desire to cancel debt and to love boldly. There is Biblical hope for contemporary marriages.

The life style of repentance and forgiveness gives us hope for joy in the present. It also looks beyond to something greater. Knowing our faults and opening them with our spouse is not a sign of weakness, but it is a step toward strength, and that vulnerability produces confidence in the marital relationship. Jesus Christ brings us hope and joy in the relationship, and help us to move forward. The Gospel opens our eyes to the Marriage that every one of us desires³. Tragedy of tragedies will be the life spent without having a deep personal relationship with the living God, through Jesus Christ. I do not want that life for anyone born of a woman and this is the cry of my heart!

 

^Notes:          

^{1, 2} Allender, Dan and Tremper Longman III. Intimate Allies. Carol Stream: Tyndale House publishers, 1995; pgs, 301, 346.

3 Allender, Dan and Tremper Longman III. Intimate Allies. Carol Stream: Tyndale House publishers, 1995; pg331.

Book Reference:

1. Allender, Dan and Tremper Longman III. Intimate Allies. Carol Stream.: Tyndale House publishers, 1995.

2. Jay E. Adams. Critical Stages of Biblical Counseling, Finishing Well, Breaking Through, Getting Started.  New Jersey: Zondervan, 2002.
3. Jay E. Adams. How to Help People Change, The Four-step Biblical Process. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1986.
4. John F. MacArthur, JR. Wayne A. Mack & The Master’s College Faculty. Introduction To Biblical Counseling, A Basic Guide To The Principles And Practice Of Counseling. Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1994.
5. Jay E. Adams. Lectures on Counseling. Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1978, p.192-203.

6. The Holy Bible, New King James Version, Women of Destiny Bible. Women Mentoring women Through the Scriptures, A Spirit Filled Life Bible. Nashville, Tennessee: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1982.