Recently quite a bit of
study has been going on in the field of relationship between emotional abuse
and mental health. No one wants to hear the word ‘abuse’ in a relationship, and
every one wants to deny the word ‘abuse’ in a relationship. The relationship
can be spousal, or friends, parents or children or office mates, or any working
relationship. Berating, belittling,
criticizing, name calling, screaming, threatening, excessive blaming, and using
sarcasm and humiliation are some forms of emotional abuse. Blowing your flaws out of proportion and making
fun of you in front of others, is another form of emotional abuse. Over time,
this type of abuse erodes your sense of self confidence and self-worth. No one
has the right to do this to some one because as believers our self-worth and
self-esteem comes from the Lord, because we are children of God, who is the
master artist Who formed us in our mother’s womb and called us by name.
Verbal Assaults can happen the following
ways and this can over a period of time destroy one’s value and self-worth.
Very often people who verbally assault the others are very insecure people and
they have done this when they were young and this continued in their adulthood.
Abusers project their words and actions very often towards a non-suspecting
victim, because they are hurt from child hood and have not dealt with the
wounds in a matured way so far. They now become abusers and do it to others and
this has developed to a pattern of abuse. Emotionally wounded victim wounds
others and victimize people around them and very often they could be close
relations or some family members or we can find such people even in work
places. If it happens in a spousal relationship we need extra vigilance, and
strength from God to be wise and put some boundaries with clever choices.
“All forms of abuse follow a
pattern that, left unchecked, will only increase over time1.”
Definitions of emotional abuse:
Denying someone access to other relationships. Taunting
on the playground yelling degrading remarks; downplaying accomplishments; threatening
to take the children away. From bullying and manipulative mind games to sexual
harassment and elder care neglect, emotional and verbal abuse is rampant in our
society. No one is immune from encountering abusive people, but everyone can
make healthy choices to end destructive relationship patterns2. by Beth J. Lueders
Emotional abuse is difficult to
define and many cases are never reported; nevertheless, it's clear that this
form of destructive behavior is based on power and control. An emotionally
abusive person may dismiss your feelings and needs, expect you to perform
humiliating or unpleasant tasks, manipulate you into feeling guilty for trivial
things, belittle your outside support system or blame you for unfortunate
circumstances in his or her life. Jealousy, possessiveness and mistrust
characterize an emotionally abusive person3. by Beth J. Lueders
Some
recent reports:
77% of women reported emotional abuse in combination with
physical abuse. In one Canadian study on abuse in university and college dating
relationships, 81% of male respondents reported that they had psychologically
abused a female partner.
In 1995, a study of seniors' client records from various agencies across
Canada Canada
- 4% of seniors residing in private homes reported experiencing abuse and/or neglect;
- 4% of seniors residing in private homes reported experiencing abuse and/or neglect;
- Questions about
insults, swearing and threats were asked as a measure of chronic verbal
aggression. The study showed that 1.4% of seniors experienced these forms of emotional
abuse in the year prior to the study; and
- Chronic verbal
aggression ranked as the second most prevalent form of mistreatment following
material abuse.
It is also important to know two terms which are
boundaries and differentiation of self.
Boundaries: It is also becoming more and more important that when we live as a
family unit, it is important to establish the necessary boundaries. If not one
will have no idea where to begin and where to end, and it becomes and
increasingly confusing when dealing with delicate situations. As a result one
who holds the power begins to rule and compromise and abuse becomes a norm and
that becomes a normal way of life.
Differentiation of self [edit]
Differentiation of self is one's ability to
separate one's own intellectual
and emotional functioning from that
of the family. Bowen spoke of people
functioning on a single continuum or scale. Individuals with "low
differentiation" are more likely to become fused with predominant family
emotions. (A related concept is that of an undifferentiated ego mass, which is
a family unit whose members possess low differentiation and therefore are
emotionally fused.) Those with "low differentiation" depend on
others' approval and acceptance. They either conform themselves to others in
order to please them, or they attempt to force others to conform to themselves.
They are thus more vulnerable to stress, defined as stressor(s) *and* psycho-physiological
"stress reactivity," and theirs is a greater than average challenge
to adjust/adapt to life changes and contrary beliefs.4
There are some verses which talk about emotional abuse in the Bible.
18 What is my reward then? Verily
that, when I preach the gospel, I may make the gospel of Christ without charge,
that I abuse not my power in the gospel.
1Cori:9:18.
4 Then said Saul to his
armorbearer, “Draw thy sword, and thrust me through therewith, lest these
uncircumcised come and abuse me.” But his armorbearer would not, for he was
sore afraid. So Saul took a sword and fell upon it. 1Chro:10:4.
4 Then said Saul unto his
armourbearer, Draw thy sword, and thrust me through therewith; lest these
uncircumcised come and thrust me through, and abuse me. But his armourbearer
would not; for he was sore afraid. Therefore Saul took a sword, and fell upon
it. 1 Sam: 31:4.
It is
impossible to be spiritually mature, when one is emotionally immature, says Peter
Scazzero, in his book on emotionally
healthy Spirituality. It is important we become emotionally mature and well
differentiated people (differentiation of
self) when we are in a family unit facing people who are emotionally
abusive. The question here would be: How do we become a well differentiated
person in a family where at least one member is emotionally abusive, and grow
in the Lord, and please the Lord? Below are some Scripture memory verses for
emotional abuse.
Scripture memory verses for emotional abuse:
Romans: 8:15-16; 15 For
ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received
the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. 16 The
Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God.
1 Peter: 2:24; 24 Who
his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to
sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.
Matthew: 8:16-17; 16 When
the even was come, they brought unto him many that were possessed with devils:
and he cast out the spirits with his word, and healed all that were sick: 17 That
it might be fulfilled which was spoken by Esaias the prophet, saying, Himself
took our infirmities, and bare our sicknesses.
2 Corinthians 12:9; 9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my
strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory
in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
James: 1:5; 5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all
men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
Philippians: 4:19; 19 But my God shall supply all
your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
1 Corinthians 10:13; 13 There hath no temptation taken
you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you
to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to
bear it.
John 14:27; 27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world
giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be
afraid.
Psalm 34:17-20;
17 The
righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and
delivereth them out of all their troubles. 18 The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth
such as be of a contrite spirit. 19 Many
are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord
delivereth him out of them all. 20 He
keepeth all his bones: not one of them is broken.
1 Peter: 5:10; 10 But
the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ
Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish,
strengthen, settle you.
If we read Genesis chapter 2 we begin
to wonder about the creation of man. God when He created Adam and Eve in the
Garden of Eden, He made them in His own image. “And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed
into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul. Genesis
2:7”- God formed man. In His own image He made them male and female. Man was
created from the dust of the ground and not out of gold dust but the beauty of
man’s creation was the master artist the Creator Who created with great
accuracy and exactness. Man is created with body, soul and spirit and was
created in the image of God. The most admirable part is the soul and it came immediately
from God, and we believers call it as the breath
of heaven.
Let
us think about the soul which God gave for a minute. The soul is the man,
because the body will be worthless, useless, loathsome carcass if the soul did
not animate it. The soul is so noble, and only the One who made the soul is
able to renew it. It is equally important to know and understand since the
extraction of the soul is so noble, and its nature and faculties are so
excellent, it should automatically focus our attention on the Creator who gave
it to man. It is the soul of man that does especially bears the image of God,
with its three noble faculties which are understanding, will and active power.
The soul of man then is the brightest, clearest looking glass in nature in
which to see God. So it becomes very necessary that we think of this when we
speak to people and their feelings as equivalent to ours and think twice before
we emotionally abuse others. We are responsible before God for our actions especially
when we call ourselves as household of God.
End Notes:
... emotional
abuse is even more devastating than physical abuse.
Emotional abuse
tears at a person's self-esteem and can
greatly impair ... Can we pray for ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murray_Bowen
1 Biography;
2 Work. 2.1 Interlocking concepts; 2.2 Differentiation of
self; 2.3 Triangles; 2.4 Emotional cutoff; 3 See also; 4 Publications.
4.1 Publications about Bowen
Website References:
... emotional
abuse is even more devastating than physical abuse.
Emotional abuse
tears at a person's self-esteem and can
greatly impair ... Can we pray for ...
Physical and Emotional Abuse. Physical
abuse is just as damaging to young bodies and souls, and
sadly, just as prevalent.
1stholistic.com/Spl_prayers/prayer_for-those-affected-by-violence.htm
Special Prayers,
Prayer for Those Affected by Physical,
Sexual, Political or Emotional Violence. SpecialGifts.com ...
We pray for those who have suffered abuse,
...
Submit your prayer
requests for other Christians to pray for. ... pharmacy and physical
therapy. ... Prayer Request: Emotional Abuse.
Prayers for Relationships
cyberparent.com/abuse
Emotional, verbal, mental, physical abuse,
with abusers and abused in men, women, ... They often turn
into physical abuse. Physical
abuse always escalates.
nationalprayerbank.com/prayer/healing/emotional
... Prayers
for Healing: Emotional | Post prayer requests
... healing from sexual and emotional abuse,
... Please pray for emotional healing and physical
healing.
www.focusonthefamily.com ›
… › Understanding
Emotional Abuse
Is your
church a safe place for victims of emotional abuse
... prayer partners and provide ongoing emotional
and ... Cycle of Physical and Emotional Abuse,
...
But, unlike physical
abuse, the effects of emotional abuse
on mental health are long-term and ... I believe it also took the help of a
Higher power,prayers from ...
Emotional abuse; Physical abuse;
Sexual abuse; Sexual assault/date rape; Other major life
traumas; Integrative Medicine, Whole Person Care. As you’re experiencing a ...
marriagemissions.com/dealing-with-emotional-and-verbal-abuse...
“Emotional
abuse leaves few physical scars. ... He is
putting me through so much abuse and pain. I’m so confused. I pray
to God to please give me guidance, ...
Information
about the impact of emotional abuse on
relationships and on mental health
ezinearticles.com ›
Relationships
2012-10-29 · The
word enmeshment is often used in the world of psychology,
therapy and in every day relationships. These could be with family, friends and
with intimate ...
Book reference:
Peter Scazzero.
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. Thomas Nelson Publishers; 2011.
Other References:
1. Millard
J. Erickson. Christian Theology. Grand Rapids
2. R.T.
Kendall. Understanding Theology,
Developing a Healthy Church in the 21st Century, 1996, p. 357-364.
3. Jay E.
Adams. A Theology of Christian
Counseling, More than Redemption. Grand
Rapids
4. Louis
Berkhof. Systematic Theology. Grand Rapids
5. Robert P Lightner. Handbook
of Evangelical Theology, Historical, Biblical, and Contemporary Survey and
Review. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House, 1986, p.527-544.
6. Charles
Ryrie. Basic Theology. Chicago
7. A. H. Strong. Systematic
Theology. New Jersey
8. Wayne Grudem. Systematic
Theology, An Introduction to Biblical Doctrine. Grand Rapids
9. Steven
W. Waterhouse. Not By Bread Alone, An
Outlined Guide To Bible Doctrine. Amarillo: Westcliffe Press, 2007,
p.188-191.
10. John
Theodore Muller, Th.D. Christian
Dogmatics, A handbook of Doctrinal Theology for Pastors, Teachers, and
Laymen. St. Louis, Mo: Concordia Publishing House, 1934,
p.384-386.
11.
Prayers To Move Your Mountains. Nashville
12.
John White. Parables, the Greatest Stories ever Told. Illinois
13.
ESV Study Bible. English Standard Version. Crossway Bibles, Wheaton , Illinois
14.
The Matthew Henry Study Bible. King James Version. Iowa falls: World Bible
Publishers, Inc. 1990.
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