Marriage through the Lens of the Bible

                                           Marriage through the Lens of the Bible

             God’s Word for life and especially marriage can be focused on many areas. Attitude, children, commitment, contentment, courage, decisions we make, differences between spouses, how we face difficult times, and the encouragement we need as couples.

 

          Faithfulness in marriage, dealing with finances, forgiveness, future goals, grace that is needed for day to day living, healing, hope and joy in all circumstances are the overall package in a marriage.

         Patience which is the fruit of the spirit is essential for building strong marriage. Peace, perseverance, prayer life is the back bone in marriage and the Bible calls us to pray in all circumstances. Dealing with pride, and dealing with misplaced priorities, resolving conflicts and rest and renewal for the body, mind and spirit are essential in any marriage. Romance is part of marriage and along with that how do we serve our spouse, and do we both grow spiritually is a constant challenge in any marriage? 

        The strength that is needed, thankful heart, trust in marriage and is our love for each other genuine becomes a continuous ache in many marriages. Wisdom and discernment, working together as couple, and unity as brothers and sisters in Christ, and how do we handle worry are continuous tug of war in most marriages.  With all of our differences, and individuality how do we worship the true Triune God?

                                                             Rebuilding of the walls 

            Book of Nehemiah chapter 3, talks about the rebuilding of the walls of Jerusalem. The work was divided in such a way so that without contention and separate interests every one has a part to play, and it is for the good of the public and in other words for common good and common interest. Even some females have work to do, and nobles did the work without contention for the common good of the people. If each does his or her part to mend the walls of Jerusalem, over all the walls are mended.

       The present state of the walls of Jerusalem in heaps and rubbles show the desperate need of or the state of the world around us. When people try to hinder the rebuilding of Jerusalem that represent the malice of the enemies who contend with, while executing the work of God. When we work together, we can defend the cause of truth and godliness and against the assaults of the enemies. The workers without complaint stood next to each other shoulder to shoulder focusing on their own sections.

        There is a principle from the above with the marriage relationship. Different marriages are different and their situations, circumstances, and goals are different, but working for the common purpose. Some marriages have incredible parenting challenges, some have serious medical issues to cope with, some marriages have financial difficulties and this may terribly affect the marriage relationships, and some may have trust issues because one spouse could have deflated the trust in their marriage. 

       Whatever the cause or circumstances of the marriages, this shows in general all marriages suffer under the weight of Fall. Fall has tremendously affected the first Divine Institution God has ordained and we all need help and we need God desperately. In other words every marriage has this ‘wall’ which has been crumbled, and in rubbles and this needs attention and needs to be rebuilt!

            Very often we begin to realize the Omniscience of God, when we look at our spouse; totally different, may come with different gifting made in the image of God; and God has united this couple for a special purpose. It is possible one spouse with tremendous gifts to overcome difficult situations may be linked with one having patience to endure. One impatient spouse would have been connected in marriage to rub shoulders with a patient one; and God in His Omniscience would know that will be the perfect match to fulfill His purpose and to learn from each other. Marriage becomes a school where we learn to work with each other, learn from each other as one flesh. Very often one spouse’s strength is another spouse’s weakness.

         So patience is the fruit of the Spirit and the Word of God says that patience is better than pride. To build a marriage we all have to work on this particular fruit of the Spirit.

           Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools; Ecc: 7:8-9. 

Scriptures to support patience in marriage are: 

1 Cori: 13:4-7; Prov: 14:29; Romans: 8:25; Galatians 5:22-23; Psalm: 37:3-7; Psalm: 40:1-3; 2 Cori: 1:6-7.

         Above all other relationships, marriage relationship requires heavy doses of forgiveness. As a basic principle for forgiveness, God wants us to forgive our offenders, whether they ask for forgiveness or not.  And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors; Matt: 6:12; KJV. 

           Forgiveness is a means of getting over the valleys of anger, and depression and bitterness. It is important to forgive so that the person who was offended will not get into the down ward spiral of depth. When the offended forgives the offender, this in fact releases the offended and this person becomes free, even if the differences are in temperament or violations of trust. This may be humanly impossible, but the offended is not operating on his or her strength, but working with the Omniscient God Who knows it all.

         If we read Genesis chapters 42-45, we see that Joseph had a chance to take vengeance on his brothers who sold him into slavery, but he decided to forgive them. The brothers of Joseph did not ask him forgiveness, but God gave Joseph grace and he forgave his brothers voluntarily. Each one of us has the freedom and responsibility to choose to forgive or not forgive our offenders. The intimacy of marriage not only brings joy, but also many moments of hurt which may be small or some could be huge. 

       Love not only means to say sorry when we are wrong, but more importantly choosing to forgive, even before we are asked. This is God’s school of training us in love and changing us into His image and likeness. I understand this is a very hard school of training, but can we trust that God is training us for something glorious?

          One of the ways of solving conflicts in marriage would be to keep short accounts with God, and with our spouse. Agreeing on a direction for couple’s relationship, or family matters or in areas of conflict can be a huge hurdle, and praying becomes harder as a couple. Bringing family matters to the throne room of God every day in prayer helps a family not only drawn closer to God, but also continually builds the ruined walls! When handled with a prayerful heart very often conflicts become an area of growth, where God shows areas or issues of our heart which needs attention.

                                                  Where is true love? 

        Ephesians 5:21-32; talks about the true marriage, Christ and Church as the model for our Marriage on this part of eternity. 

²¹ Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.²² Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.²³ For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.²⁴ Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;²⁶ That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,²⁷ That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.²⁸ So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.²⁹ For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: ³⁰ For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.³¹ For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.³² This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

           While the above is the model for True love, to attain this at this part of eternity seem to be a huge struggle and hurdle in this Fallen world. While our earthly relationships let us down again and again, our relationship with God can genuinely and fully meet our deepest needs for significance and self-worth. I am constantly reminded of Psalm 23, and this could be a poetic reminder to every married person when one faces difficulty in marriage. Our good Shepherd is always there to restore us, especially our soul which is made in the image and likeness of God, and He is able to comfort, meet one’s needs and deepest longing and desires of our soul. What a great comfort a child of God has!

       Genesis 50, talks about Joseph’s life and how his needs were met by his earthly father till one day to his shock when he lost it all. When Joseph’s jealous brothers sold him to slavery in a moment Joseph lost everything including his family. In the long journey to Egypt where was Joseph’s trust? Probably Joseph would have never learned depending on God completely, but for his difficult circumstances in a foreign land. Some times life was thrashing down but his trust was in God;  But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive; Gen 50:20.

            Whom do we put our trust in good times and bad times? Some may trust people in higher position, and some may trust in family members and some may even trust in their possessions. Remember just like Joseph things could be gone in a minute and if we put our trust in people invariably they will disappoint us. If our happiness and trust comes from people and things this would inevitably lead us to misery and loss of hope. 

⁷ Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is.⁸ For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit; Jer:17:7-8.

         One can not look for happiness and security in marriage because this is putting too much security and pressure in marriage. Happiness, security, self-worth, and confidence should come from the One who formed us in our mother’s womb and knows our frame. He will never leave nor forsake us, because His love is true and is unconditional.

             In quietness and confidence shall be your strength - Isaiah 30:15. 

            Are we limiting God by the way we think? Imagine a circumstance that we consider as really bad. We can use whatever descriptive words we want- difficult, hard, agonizing, frustrating, strenuous, debilitating, horrific, sorrowful, confusing, perturbing, penetrating or painful. Is there a problem too awful or too hard for God to handle? If our answer to this question is anything other than "no"" our understanding of God is too small. Our God is a great and limitless God. He dwells in eternity and operates in infinity. He has all things within His understanding and all things under His control.

     In companies when one owns 51% of the shares, that person has all the say than the one who owns 49% of the shares. So in general people try to get the 51% of their shares so they have all the say. The question here would be: Is God really in our marriage? If He is, what is the percentage of His partnership in our marriage? How much do we really want to involve God in our marriage?

Website References:

        1. Nehemiah Chapter 3 - THE STUDY BIBLE

www.thestudybible.org/Nehemiah-3

The book of Nehemiah chapter 3 from the King James Bible Online. The Study Bible. Search keywords in the Bible: Find a specific verse: Chapter ...

Book references:

  1. Peter Scazzero. Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. Thomas Nelson Publishers; 2011.

  2. Goldenberg, I and H. Goldenberg. Family Therapy: An overview, 8^th Edition. Pacific Grove,

       CA: Brookes/ColePublishing, 2007.

   3. God’s Words of Life on Marriage @2000 by Zondervan, ISBN 0-310-98358-4

Other references:

1. Allender, Dan and Tremper Longman III. Intimate Allies. Carol Stream, Illinois: Tyndale House publishers, 1995.
2. Goldenberg, I and H. Goldenberg. Family Therapy: An overview, 8^th Edition. Pacific Grove, CA: Brookes/Cole Publishing, 2007.

3. Richardson, R.W. Family Ties that Bind. Vancouver B.C: International Self - Counsel Press Ltd, 1995.

4. Thomas Garry. Sacred Marriage, What if God designed marriage more to make us holy than to make us happy. Toronto: Harper Collins Canada, 2002.

5. Mary E.DeMuth. Author of Ordinary Mom, Extraordinary God, Authentic parenting in a postmodern culture, practical help for shaping your children’s hearts, minds, and souls. Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 2007.

6. William T. kirwan. Biblical Concepts for Christian Counseling, A case for integrating Psychology   and Theology. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker Book House, 1984.

Recommended reading & resources:

7. Dr. Larry Crabb. Effective Biblical Counseling, How caring Christians can become capable counselors. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan Publishing House, 1977.

8. Everett L. Worthington JR. Hope-focused marriage counseling, Author of forgiving and reconciling, A Guide to brief therapy. Illinois: IVP Academic, Intervarsity Press, 2005.

9. Barkley, Russell & Robin, Arthur. Your Defiant Teen, 10 Steps to resolve conflict and rebuild your relationship. New York: A division of Guilford Publications, 2008.

10. David Furlong. Healing your family patterns, how to access the past to heal the present. London: Judy Piatkus (Publishers) Ltd, 1997.  

For further reading:

1. Millard J. Erickson. Christian Theology. Grand Rapids: Baker Book House: 1983-85, p. 947-1002. 

2. R.T. Kendall. Understanding Theology, Developing a Healthy Church in the 21^st Century. 1996, p. 357-364.

3. Jay E. Adams. A Theology of Christian Counseling, More than Redemption. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1979, p.249-275.

4. Louis Berkhof. Systematic Theology. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1996, p. 423-450.

5.  Robert P Lightner. Handbook of Evangelical Theology, Historical, Biblical, and Contemporary Survey and Review. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House, 1986, p.527-544.

6. Charles Ryrie. Basic Theology. Chicago: Moody Press, 1986, 1999, p.374-377.

7.  A. H. Strong. Systematic Theology. New Jersey: Fleming H. Revell Co, 1907, p. 869-881.

8.  Wayne Grudem. Systematic Theology, An Introduction to Biblical Doctrine. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1994, p. 736-761; 840-850.

9. Steven W. Waterhouse. Not By Bread Alone, An Outlined Guide To Bible Doctrine. Amarillo: Westcliffe Press, 2007, p.188-191. 

10. John Theodore Muller, Th.D. Christian Dogmatics, A handbook of Doctrinal Theology for Pastors, Teachers, and Laymen.  St. Louis, Mo: Concordia Publishing House, 1934, p.384-386.  

11. Prayers To Move Your Mountains. Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2000.

12. John White. Parables, the Greatest Stories ever Told. Illinois: Inter varsity Press, 1988, 1999.

13. ESV Study Bible. English Standard Version. Crossway Bibles, Wheaton, Illinois: Publishing ministry of Good News publishers, 2008.

14. The Matthew Henry Study Bible. King James Version. Iowa falls: World Bible Publishers, Inc. 1990.

Misplaced priorities

Our lives are very often messed up because we make poor choices or the choices we make are in the wrong order. We place the most important activity as the first priority and place that at the top of our list. Most of the times many of us do that unconsciously and we do not think of its impact on our lives, and we keep going accomplishing whatever we wanted to do but in the wrong order.

Below is a chart for total structuring and different priorities  

(This may not be in the right order of priority; readers are supposed to prioritize)

For total structuring and some important activities are given below and this may not be in the right order. The readers are supposed to prioritize.

• Work, school
• Physical: exercise, health, diet, sleep
• Marriage: sex and intimacy, communication
• Other:
• Family: children and discipline
• Church: Bible, prayer, witness
• Finances: budgeting
• Social activities

How do we seek God’s will in our lives?

When we have a list of priorities this will really help us to assess our conflict and make the priorities right with the help of God. 

1.      As a believer in Christ Jesus, we have the huge privilege of God involving in every aspect of our life. In fact God wants to be part of in every decision making process, our moving, and new job and so on and so forth. So now we can prioritize based on the fact that God is very much involved, and we can make a list.

2.      Our job: all of us are equipped differently and it is our responsibility that we do our job well, and we bring glory and honor to His Name. So we need to cultivate the habit of talking to God, every day and this communion is called prayer.

3.      God is more bothered about our soul health and He wants us to bear fruit bountifully. So it is important that we realize that we have to have a life style that is pleasing to Him.

4.      When we put our focus on God, and acknowledge His presence and guidance in all areas of our life, we begin to have great confidence and security and the assurance of God with us all the time. This is a great blessing only for a believer in Jesus Christ.

5.      If we are married, where does our spouse fit in? What is the priority order?

How does 2 Peter 2:1-11; apply to our day to day life of walking with God?

 ¹Simon Peter, a servant and an apostle of Jesus Christ, to them that have obtained like precious faith with us through the righteousness of God and our Saviour Jesus Christ.

² Grace and peace be multiplied unto you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord,
³ According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue:
⁴ Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
⁵ And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge;
⁶ And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness;
⁷ And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.
⁸ For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
⁹ But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins.
¹⁰ Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall:
¹¹ For so an entrance shall be ministered unto you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

·         One way the above Word of God could be exercised in our life would be to have an open heart and ask God to explore all areas of our life; hidden as well as exposed.

·         When sensitive areas of our lives are touched this could be painful; but trust God because He wants the best out of you. Slowly the Spirit of God is changing you inside out and conform you into His image and likeness. 

       Marriage is the first Divine Institution instituted by the Lord and this should be our priority. In today’s context the effect of Fall affects all of our marriage to a certain extent.        What are the steps one can take to protect our marriage, in a Fallen world where marriage between a male and a female are considered to be one of the other types of marriage? Very often one of the questions to be asked will be: when you prioritize which comes first my spouse or my job?

       Believers or non-believers make many decisions on a day to day life. The decsions we make hugely impact our lives for the better or for the worse in our marriage and family. How do we prioritize our life’s activities?

I am including an article below for further reading.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/837701

Website References:

        1. Misplaced Priority - My Spouse or My Job?

ezinearticles.com › Relationships › Marriage

2007-11-16 · My question to you today is what is your priority, your spouse or your job? Your pay check or your spouse's love? Acceptance by your colleagues at work or ...

        2. Misplaced priority | Business Standard

www.business-standard.com › Opinion › Editorial › Editorials

Indians are taught early that science is only a means to an end. All the bright young people who enter the "science stream" of various schools are told to have their ...

        3. Winter cycling misplaced ‘priority’ | Columnists ...

www.calgarysun.com/2012/10/08/winter-cycling-misplaced-priority

The good news is an extra 27 lane kilometres of road will be cleared sooner this winter. The bad news is the city isn’t doing it because of increased traffic volume ...

        4. Misplaced priority - Sify

www.sify.com › Finance › Default

2014-02-16 · Indians are taught early that science is only a means to an end. All the bright young people who enter the science stream of various schools are told to...

        5. A Misplaced Priority - MyDD

mydd.com/story/2009/9/28/14128/9031

The White House has announced that the President will travel to Copenhagen on Thursday in an effort to save Chicago's sagging bid to host the 2016 Summer Olympics.

Book references:

  1. Peter Scazzero. Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. Thomas Nelson Publishers; 2011.

  2. Goldenberg, I and H. Goldenberg. Family Therapy: An overview, 8^th Edition. Pacific Grove, CA: Brookes/Cole Publishing, 2007.

Other references:

1. Allender, Dan and Tremper Longman III. Intimate Allies. Carol Stream, Illinois: Tyndale House publishers, 1995.
2. Goldenberg, I and H. Goldenberg. Family Therapy: An overview, 8^th Edition. Pacific Grove, CA: Brookes/Cole Publishing, 2007.

3. Richardson, R.W. Family Ties that Bind. Vancouver B.C: International Self - Counsel Press Ltd, 1995.

4. Thomas Garry. Sacred Marriage, What if God designed marriage more to make us holy than to make us happy. Toronto: Harper Collins Canada, 2002.

5. Mary E.DeMuth. Author of Ordinary Mom, Extraordinary God, Authentic parenting in a postmodern culture, practical help for shaping your children’s hearts, minds, and souls. Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 2007.

6. William T. kirwan. Biblical Concepts for Christian Counseling, A case for integrating Psychology   and Theology. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker Book House, 1984.

Recommended reading & resources:

7. Dr. Larry Crabb. Effective Biblical Counseling, How caring Christians can become capable counselors. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan Publishing House, 1977.

8. Everett L. Worthington JR. Hope-focused marriage counseling, Author of forgiving and reconciling, A Guide to brief therapy. Illinois: IVP Academic, Intervarsity Press, 2005.

9. Barkley, Russell & Robin, Arthur. Your Defiant Teen, 10 Steps to resolve conflict and rebuild your relationship. New York: A division of Guilford Publications, 2008.

10. David Furlong. Healing your family patterns, how to access the past to heal the present. London: Judy Piatkus (Publishers) Ltd, 1997.

For further reading:

1. Millard J. Erickson. Christian Theology. Grand Rapids: Baker Book House: 1983-85, p. 947-1002. 

2. R.T. Kendall. Understanding Theology, Developing a Healthy Church in the 21^st Century. 1996, p. 357-364.

3. Jay E. Adams. A Theology of Christian Counseling, More than Redemption. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1979, p.249-275.

4. Louis Berkhof. Systematic Theology. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1996, p. 423-450.

5.  Robert P Lightner. Handbook of Evangelical Theology, Historical, Biblical, and Contemporary Survey and Review. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House, 1986, p.527-544.

6. Charles Ryrie. Basic Theology. Chicago: Moody Press, 1986, 1999, p.374-377.

7.  A. H. Strong. Systematic Theology. New Jersey: Fleming H. Revell Co, 1907, p. 869-881.

8.  Wayne Grudem. Systematic Theology, An Introduction to Biblical Doctrine. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1994, p. 736-761; 840-850.

9. Steven W. Waterhouse. Not By Bread Alone, An Outlined Guide To Bible Doctrine. Amarillo: Westcliffe Press, 2007, p.188-191. 

10. John Theodore Muller, Th.D. Christian Dogmatics, A handbook of Doctrinal Theology for Pastors, Teachers, and Laymen.  St. Louis, Mo: Concordia Publishing House, 1934, p.384-386.  

11. Prayers To Move Your Mountains. Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2000.

12. John White. Parables, the Greatest Stories ever Told. Illinois: Inter varsity Press, 1988, 1999.

13. ESV Study Bible. English Standard Version. Crossway Bibles, Wheaton, Illinois: Publishing ministry of Good News publishers, 2008.

14. The Matthew Henry Study Bible. King James Version. Iowa falls: World Bible Publishers, Inc. 1990.

 

 

 

How do we know we are walking in the Spirit?

    Very often we perceive and think wrongly that walking in the Spirit is some form of a mysterious act and it is totally impossible and only few who know this secret are able to do it. What a great mistaken view! Apostle Paul says if we are hostile to the working of the Spirit of God, the flesh is continuously hostile to the Spirit and this will be evident in the works of the Spirit. Plainly it will be manifested in the works of the flesh, and in our behaviour and it will be very evident to people around us. Even if we try to hide it beautifully it will become evident and it will be manifested. The Bible uses the analogy of good tree vs. bad tree. A tree is known by its fruit and more accurately our actions and deeds reveal who we are. While the fleshly nature may not be visible every minute, its deeds become obvious and the inner man is exposed by his or her deeds and words. King James Bible calls theses deeds as the desire of the flesh.  

      It is impossible to be spiritually mature, when one is emotionally immature, says Peter Scazzero, in his book on emotionally healthy Spirituality. He was a Pastor of a growing church, and he says we have to stop mind reading on others and clarify expectations. As we continue to climb the ladder of integrity, it is important we should develop a rule of life to implement emotionally healthy skills.

      We can categorize sins in to the following 4 categories: sexual sins (sensual sins); religious sins (idolatry and sorcery). Social sins (interpersonal relationship) and drunkenness. When some one preaches on lust of the flesh we immediately think of it as the sexual sins, but that alone is not the sole manifestation of the depraved flesh. But lust can manifest itself in one of the above categories. Unfortunately the world clothes sin with such a glamour that if we are not grounded in the Word of God any one can be deceived in its glamour. It is important we check from time to time the glamour of sin with Scripture.

      It is important to realize that sin is equated with smartness and in our blissful unmindedness we failed to realize that sin can out smart us and push us into a downward spiral which eventually becomes hard for any one to come out. Sin can come in various forms and can be concealed in such a way to make it very attractive superficially. By changing the label or the heading of a book definitely does not change its contents; so also is sin, in spite of its attractiveness does not reduce the harm for anyone who plunged into it very often unaware. This sin can lead any one to eternal ruin and doom which is the truth. Unless we are washed by the penitent precious blood of Jesus Christ, our souls can be easily tarnished and that will be the tragedy of tragedies.

     In a nut shell when a Christian speaks of growing in the fruit of the Spirit that means how Spirit of God works within us in this world, and slowly conform us to His image.  Spirit of God works in such a way that His purposes for each believer on this earth are carried out and for future glory. Spirit of God enable a believer to change his or her character from inside out and they become people of love and begin to bear fruit. This is like a tree planed in a garden, it has to be nurtured, pruned, weeded, watered and cared for and when the right time comes it begins to yield its fruit and the tree is known by its fruit. So also is a life of a believer, and the residing Spirit of God, some times prunes us, and it may hurt us, but it is for our good so that we may yield fruit bountifully. Abundant spiritual fruit brings hope and hope for tomorrow because of Jesus Christ in whom we believe.

      Apostle Paul describes the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22, as deeds of the flesh found in Gal: 5:19-20. the nine fruit of the Spirit are love (agape), joy (chara), peace(eirene), patience (makrothumia), kindness (chrestotes), goodness (agathosune) faithfulness (pistis)gentleness (prautes), self-control (egkrateia). The Galatians passage may also be read as listing the other eight as subsets of the first: love. The Greek words mentioned above can be researched further for more understanding. Below is a table regarding the works of the flesh or the deeds of the flesh. One may choose to study the works of the flesh against the fruit of the Spirit of God, which comes only from God. 

Greek: eidololatria, pharmakeia, ecthrai, eris, zelos, thumoi, eritheiai, dichostasiai, haireseis, Amplified: Idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger (ill temper), selfishness, divisions (dissensions), party spirit (factions, sects with peculiar opinions, heresies),   (Amplified Bible - Lockman) Barclay: Idolatry, witchcraft, enmity, strife, jealousy, uncontrolled temper, self-seeking, dissension, heretical division, (Westminster Press) KJV: Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, NLT: idolatry, participation in demonic activities, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, divisions, the feeling that everyone is wrong except those in your own little group, (NLT - Tyndale House) Phillips: worship of false gods, witchcraft, hatred, quarrelling, jealousy, bad temper, rivalry, factions, party-spirit, (Phillips: Touchstone) Weymouth: enmity, strife, jealousy, outbursts of passion, intrigues, dissensions, factions, envyings; Wuest: idolatry, witchcraft, enmities, strife, jealousy, angers, self-seekings, divisions, factions, (Eerdmans) Young's Literal: idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, strifes, emulations, wraths, rivalries, dissensions, sects,

 

       Galatians 5:19-20 Commentary - P-R-E-C-E-P-T A-U-S-T-I-N

www.preceptaustin.org/galatians_519-20.htm

Galatians 5 Commentary Galatians 5:16-23 ... Galatians 5:19-21 Commentary ... KJV: Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, ..

¹⁹ Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
²⁰ Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
²¹ Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

²³ Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. Galatians 5:19-23.

       When apostle Paul follows the list of the fruit of the Spirit by saying "against such things there is no law", he was talking about the fact that the religious authorities and the Hebrew Torah (law) are generally positive toward a life with these characteristics. Even a staunch enemy of the church will likely find these qualities appealing. These are known to be positive characteristics by almost everyone, in most eras, in most lands. These fruit come from God because they are the way God is, so wherever God is at work, these fruit are what it's like. As you live in this fruit-ful way, you're being drawn closer to God and integrated more into God's purposes. And, as you grow closer to God, you will think, act, and live more fruit-fully¹.

End Notes:

        ¹Fruit Of The Spirit

www.spirithome.com/fruits-of-the-spirit.html

What are the fruit that the Spirit grows in you? ... nor rejoice in sin; ... using the Spirit's gifts to grow the Spirit's fruit, ...

Website References:

1.Focus Helps | Emotional and verbal abuse |

   www.focushelps.ca/article/addictions-abuse/verbal-and-emotional...

... emotional abuse is even more devastating than physical abuse.

    Emotional abuse tears at a person's self-esteem and   can greatly impair ... Can we pray for ...

      2. Physical, Emotional and Sexual Abuse Articles & Advice ...

www.deborahkingcenter.com/resources/abuse

Physical and Emotional Abuse. Physical abuse is just as damaging to young bodies and souls, and sadly, just as prevalent.

     3. Special Prayers, Prayer for Those Affected by Physical ...

1stholistic.com/Spl_prayers/prayer_for-those-affected-by-violence.htm

Special Prayers, Prayer for Those Affected by Physical, Sexual, Political or Emotional Violence. SpecialGifts.com ... We pray for those who have suffered abuse, ...

     4. Prayer, Emotional Abuse

www.christianprayercenter.com/prayers/request-196841.html

Submit your prayer requests for other Christians to pray for. ... pharmacy and physical therapy. ... Prayer Request: Emotional Abuse. Prayers for Relationships

     5. Abuse, Mental, Physical, Verbal, Emotional, Psychological ...

cyberparent.com/abuse

Emotional, verbal, mental, physical abuse, with abusers and abused in men, women, ... They often turn into physical abuse. Physical abuse always escalates.

    6. Prayers for Healing: Emotional - National Prayer Bank

nationalprayerbank.com/prayer/healing/emotional

... Prayers for Healing: Emotional | Post prayer requests ... healing from sexual and emotional abuse, ... Please pray for emotional healing and physical healing.

    7. Emotional Abuse in the Local Church - Focus on the Family

www.focusonthefamily.com › … › Understanding Emotional Abuse

Is your church a safe place for victims of emotional abuse ... prayer partners and provide ongoing emotional and ... Cycle of Physical and Emotional Abuse, ...

    8. Emotional Abuse: Signs and Symptoms - Buzzle

www.buzzle.com/articles/emotional-abuse-signs-and-symptoms.html

But, unlike physical abuse, the effects of emotional abuse on mental health are long-term and ... I believe it also took the help of a Higher power,prayers from ...

    9.Intensive Counseling for Abuse Healing - A Place of Hope

www.aplaceofhope.com/abuse-treatment.html

Emotional abuse; Physical abuse; Sexual abuse; Sexual assault/date rape; Other major life traumas; Integrative Medicine, Whole Person Care. As you’re experiencing a ...

   10. Emotional and Verbal Abuse Within Marriage : Marriage ...

marriagemissions.com/dealing-with-emotional-and-verbal-abuse...

“Emotional abuse leaves few physical scars. ... He is putting me through so much abuse and pain. I’m so confused. I pray to God to please give me guidance, ...

11.     This is a War: Emotional Abuse

www.thisisawar.com/AbuseEmotional.htm

Information about the impact of emotional abuse on relationships and on mental health.

12.     Enmeshment: What Is Enmeshment? - EzineArticles

ezinearticles.com › Relationships

2012-10-29 · The word enmeshment is often used in the world of psychology, therapy and in every day relationships. These could be with family, friends and with intimate ...

      13. The Bowen Center - Bowen Theory - Differentiation of Self

www.thebowencenter.org/pages/conceptds.html

Murray Bowen; 8 Concepts; Triangles; Differentiation of Self; Nuclear Family Emotional System; Family Projection Process; Multigenerational Transmission Process

Book references:

  1. Peter Scazzero. Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. Thomas Nelson Publishers; 2011.

  2. Goldenberg, I and H. Goldenberg. Family Therapy: An overview, 8^th Edition. Pacific Grove, CA: Brookes/Cole Publishing, 2007.

Other references:

1. Allender, Dan and Tremper Longman III. Intimate Allies. Carol Stream, Illinois: Tyndale House publishers, 1995.
2. Goldenberg, I and H. Goldenberg. Family Therapy: An overview, 8^th Edition. Pacific Grove, CA: Brookes/Cole Publishing, 2007.

3. Richardson, R.W. Family Ties that Bind. Vancouver B.C: International Self - Counsel Press Ltd, 1995.

4. Thomas Garry. Sacred Marriage, What if God designed marriage more to make us holy than to make us happy. Toronto: Harper Collins Canada, 2002.

5. Mary E.DeMuth. Author of Ordinary Mom, Extraordinary God, Authentic parenting in a postmodern culture, practical help for shaping your children’s hearts, minds, and souls. Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 2007.

6. William T. kirwan. Biblical Concepts for Christian Counseling, A case for integrating Psychology   and Theology. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker Book House, 1984.

Recommended reading & resources:

7. Dr. Larry Crabb. Effective Biblical Counseling, How caring Christians can become capable counselors. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan Publishing House, 1977.

8. Everett L. Worthington JR. Hope-focused marriage counseling, Author of forgiving and reconciling, A Guide to brief therapy. Illinois: IVP Academic, Intervarsity Press, 2005.

9. Barkley, Russell & Robin, Arthur. Your Defiant Teen, 10 Steps to resolve conflict and rebuild your relationship. New York: A division of Guilford Publications, 2008.

10. David Furlong. Healing your family patterns, how to access the past to heal the present. London: Judy Piatkus (Publishers) Ltd, 1997.

For further reading:

1. Millard J. Erickson. Christian Theology. Grand Rapids: Baker Book House: 1983-85, p. 947-1002. 

2. R.T. Kendall. Understanding Theology, Developing a Healthy Church in the 21^st Century. 1996, p. 357-364.

3. Jay E. Adams. A Theology of Christian Counseling, More than Redemption. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1979, p.249-275.

4. Louis Berkhof. Systematic Theology. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1996, p. 423-450.

5.  Robert P Lightner. Handbook of Evangelical Theology, Historical, Biblical, and Contemporary Survey and Review. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House, 1986, p.527-544.

6. Charles Ryrie. Basic Theology. Chicago: Moody Press, 1986, 1999, p.374-377.

7.  A. H. Strong. Systematic Theology. New Jersey: Fleming H. Revell Co, 1907, p. 869-881.

8.  Wayne Grudem. Systematic Theology, An Introduction to Biblical Doctrine. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1994, p. 736-761; 840-850.

9. Steven W. Waterhouse. Not By Bread Alone, An Outlined Guide To Bible Doctrine. Amarillo: Westcliffe Press, 2007, p.188-191. 

10.John Theodore Muller, Th.D. Christian Dogmatics, A handbook of Doctrinal Theology for Pastors, Teachers, and Laymen.  St. Louis, Mo: Concordia Publishing House, 1934, p.384-386.  

11. Prayers To Move Your Mountains. Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2000.

12. John White. Parables, the Greatest Stories ever Told. Illinois: Inter varsity Press, 1988, 1999.

13. ESV Study Bible. English Standard Version. Crossway Bibles, Wheaton, Illinois: Publishing ministry of Good News publishers, 2008.

14. The Matthew Henry Study Bible. King James Version. Iowa falls: World Bible Publishers, Inc. 1990.