1. Trigger to conflict
- Sex
Sex can
also be a minefield of disaster within a marriage. Sin can eat away all the
beauty God intended for a sexual relationship. The Bible in its teaching and in
its stories reveals 3 primary areas of sex gone awry:
·
Adultery, which is outside the bounds of
marriage.
·
Deadening of desire, which is unwarranted denial
of sexuality within marriage.
·
Perversion, which like adultery is sexuality
outside of the bounds of marriage but has an additional vicious dimension to
it.
Adultery:
The sexual
revolution of the sixties and seventies called into question traditional
morality. The AIDS epidemic has been like a sudden rain at a panic. Sex,
especially outside of a monogamous relationship, has taken on a never-before-
thought of danger.
Bible’s message: Sex is the prerogative and joy of marriage and
marriage alone.
Hebrews: 13:4
4 Marriage is honorable in all,
and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
Deut: 22:22
22"If
a man is found lying with a woman married to a husband, then both of them shall
die--the man that lay with the woman, and the woman; so you shall put away the
evil from Israel
Sex is the physical
reflection of what takes place on the level of the human soul.
Adultery
is like the worship of false gods. Adultery is not merely having sex with the
wrong person; it is union with someone who will never require us to face our
sinfulness or draw forth our glory so that we are more and more in awe of God.
It is intimacy without
commitment, flight from the struggle of intimacy without ever facing our part
in the loss.
2 Samuel 11:2-5; David and Bathsheba
David’s sexual escapade with
Bathsheba sends its destructive shock waves through the rest of his life.
Adultery triggers trouble that often dissolves marriage.
2
Then it happened one evening that David arose from his bed and walked on
the roof of the king’s house. And from the roof he saw a woman bathing, and the
woman was very beautiful to behold. 3
So David sent and inquired about the woman. And someone said, “Is this
not Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” 4 Then David sent messengers, and took her;
and she came to him, and he lay with her, for she was cleansed from her
impurity; and she returned to her house. 5
And the woman conceived; so she sent and told David, and said, “I am with
child.”2 Samuel 11:2-5
Wisdom saying: 12
To deliver thee from the way
of the evil man, from the man
that speaketh froward things;13 Who leave
the paths of uprightness,
to walk in the ways of darkness;14 Who rejoice to do evil, and delight in the frowardness of
the wicked;15 Whose ways are crooked, and they froward in their paths:16 To deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the stranger
which flattereth with her words;17 Which forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of her God.18 For her house inclineth unto death, and her paths unto the dead.19 None that go unto her return again , neither
take they hold of the paths
of life. Prov: 2: 12-19.
b. Death of Desire.
The second evidence of sex gone awry is the absence of
sexual desire.
Concerning Married
Life
7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is
good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since
sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his
own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The
husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to
her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but
yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority
over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not
deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you
may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will
not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say
this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as
I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another
has that. 1 Cori 7:1-7 .
In marital sexuality we gift our spouses with our bodies’ power to
bring pleasure to them. As marriage
partners we do not own our own bodies; in a way our bodies belong to our spouses.
Paul knows that sex is an important and crucial expression of marital union.
Certainly
no one enjoys perfect sex throughout their marriage. Our sinfulness and
selfishness emerge to keep us from the type of intimate vulnerability involved
in the sexual act.
b. Perversion.
Transvestism,
bestiality, incest, and homosexuality are some of the other sexual sins that
the Bible recognizes and condemns.
5 A woman
must not wear men’s clothing, nor a man wear women’s clothing, for the Lord your God detests anyone who does this; Deut: 22:5
20 Cursed be he that lieth with his father's wife; because he uncovereth his father's skirt. And all the people shall say, Amen.
21 Cursed be he that lieth with any manner of beast. And all the people shall say, Amen.
22 Cursed be he that lieth with his sister, the daughter of his father, or the daughter of his mother. And all the people shall say, Amen; Deut: 27:20-22
26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the
woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which
is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which
was meet; Romans: 1:26-27
Sexual perversion is always a violent assault against the beauty of
God’s design for sexual pleasure and intimacy. No woman can flower into glory if her husband sees sex as nothing more than His Divine Right and prerogative to feel good about himself.
2. Trigger to conflict
Violence
A second trigger to conflict in marriage is violence. Loneliness
and futility can ignite a rage that leads to violence – sexual, physical, or
emotional. Biblical records indicate that violent sex invaded the lives and homes of people from all levels of society.
Example of violence at home:
9 Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he
refused to eat.” Send everyone out of here,” Amnon said. So everyone left him.
10 Then
Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from
your hand.” And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her
brother Amnon in his bedroom. 11 But when she took it to him to
eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister.” 12 “No,
my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done
in Israel Israel
Even more
prevalent are emotionally abusive homes in which family members are violated
with demeaning and shameful words. No one knows, sees, and feels the impact of
our sin more than our spouses do.
Some times when our loneliness or our fear of failure to succeed is
exposed in our marriages, we develop a rage that desires to bind and silence
our spouses. At this point, it is a great temptation to deprive our spouses of
their glory when we feel deprived of our own. In those cases, verbal abuse is
likely to occur…..It is very SAD this would happen in
Christian marriages and homes.
Alleneder, says that physical and sexual abuse in a marriage
is a grave sign of degradation that must be dealt with both legally (it is a
crime) and spiritually (with church discipline)
3. Trigger of
Conflict
- Limited Time and money
Time and money
are two resources that most expose our limits, our failures, and even our
impending death. In our society they represent power, ability to do things, and
even our ability to influence people. Money is the medium of power. The battle
is not about who is trustworthy, but about who controls the most palpable means
of setting the family agenda.
Is the
husband spending too much time with his colleagues neglecting his wife?
This
conflict over time and money will really cloud the issue. Quarrels over time and
money usually reflect a demand to “own” our life than to serve the other with
our wealth and existence.
10 Whoever loves money never has
enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. This too is
meaningless. Ecclesiastes:
5:10
11I have seen something else under
the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does
food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but
time and chance happen to them all. 12Moreover, no one knows when
their hour will come: As fish are caught in a cruel net, or birds are taken in
a snare, so people are trapped by evil times that fall unexpectedly upon them. Ecclesiastes: 9:11-12.
4. Trigger of
Conflict
Divided Loyalties:
Do we value money or time more than the spouse?
Are we more committed to something or someone else more than we are
to our beloved?
The hints of a divided loyalty
always bring tension and heartbreak to the surface.
Example:
King Solomon and his divided loyalty
1
But king Solomon loved many strange women, together with the daughter of
Pharaoh, women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, and Hittites;2
Of the nations concerning which the LORD said unto the children of Israel, Ye
shall not go in to them, neither shall they come in unto you: for surely they
will turn away your heart after their gods: Solomon clave unto these in love .
3 And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and
his wives turned away his heart.4 For it came to pass, when Solomon was old,
that his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not
perfect with the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father.5 For
Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Zidonians, and after Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites.6 And
Solomon did evil in the sight of the LORD, and went not fully after the LORD,
as did David his father. 1 Kings
11:1-6
The
consequences of his actions were extensive, after his death the kingdom of Israel
- Under ‘divided loyalty’ comes our loyalty
to worshipping our God. What is our commitment to this to Triune God? Is
it divided between the world and God?
- In relation to the above, if we truly believe that Triune God is all powerful, why do many Christians, get involved in Occult in order to exercise power over some one else? Marriages come with a package of struggles, along with the joy of marriage. Divided loyalty, and getting involved in Occult definitely makes the ‘journey of marriage’ harder. If we explore further our family of Origin, any one’s involvement in occult practices definitely affects the couples and their newly formed family unit.
- What is our commitment to our spouses? The first Divine Institution, the marriage God has made?
Paul addresses the
issue of divided loyalty in the New Testament
Paul warns that intimate relationships must
have Christ in common otherwise they will fail.
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for
what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion
hath light with darkness?
15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part
hath he that believeth with an infidel?
16 And what agreement hath the temple of God
Our loyalties as husbands and wives
must be kept in balance with great commitment. Our relationships with our
family of origin and in-laws and children come very secondary. After our
relationship with God, our marriage relationship must command our deepest
commandment. How is our relationship
to God? Do we really believe He is the alpha, the omega, the beginning and the
end? Do we genuinely believe He is all powerful? Do we truly believe that Jesus
Christ is God’s only Son, and in Him we are saved? Do we think that there is a
marriage of the Lamb and we (the Church), each one of His, will be His bride?
Do we believe that God’s Spirit is working very powerfully in the world, and He
is a mighty warrior protecting His own?
Website References:
|
|
www.youtube.com/watch?v=67Hn9HFUKBY11 Dec 2010 - 5 min - Uploaded by Jegarsahadutha
Loading... Alert icon. Sign in or sign up now! Alert icon. Loading... Uploaded by Jegarsahadutha on Dec 11 ... |
3.GOD'S WORD AGAINST THE OCCULT
4. Angels - Supernatural... Scary Just Got Sexy!
supernatural.wikia.com/wiki/AngelsCached - Similar
5. Angelology: The Doctrine of Angels | Bible.org - Worlds Largest ...
6. 1 Peter 3:18-22 Commentary
7. Colossians 2 – Answering the Colossian Heresy
www.enduringword.com/commentaries/5102.htmCached - Similar
Book Reference:
1 .Allender, Dan and Tremper
Longman 111. Intimate Allies. Carol stream ,
11; Tyndale House publishers, 1995.
2.Thomas Garry, Sacred Marriage: What
if God designed Marriage More to Make us Holy than to make us Happy; Toronto,
Harper Collins Canada, 2002.
* One can use the Christian model of
getting out of the destructive family patternOther Book References:
1.Payer To Move Your Mountains, “Powerful Prayers for The Spirit-Filled Life.” (Thomas Nelson Publishers,
2. Practical Psychology for Pastors, William R. Miller, Kathleen A. Jackson (The
3. Jay E.Adams, ‘The Christian Counselor’s Manual, ‘The Practice of Nouthetic Counseling’ (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1973)
4. John G. Kruis, ‘Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling; (Grand rapids: Baker Books, Third edition, p. 169-170)
5. David G. Benner & Peter C. Hill, ‘Baker Encyclopaedia of Psychology & Counseling’ Second Edition, (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1985, 1999)
6. Dr. Larry Crabb, “Effective Biblical Counseling” How Caring Christians can Become Capable Counselors, (Hammersmith: Marshall Pickering, 1985), p. 100-104).
7.The Matthew Henry Study Bible, ‘King James version’ The best of Matthew Henry’s Notes in a Handy One Volume Reference Bible, World Bible Publishers, Inc; 1994, Iowa Falls, U.S.A.
8. David Seeking A Heart Like His, ‘Beth Moore’
9. Jay E. Adams, ‘Critical Stages of Biblical Counseling’ Finishing Well, Breaking Through, Getting Started, (
10. Jay E. Adams, ‘How to Help People Change’ The Four-step Biblical Process, (Grand rapids: Zondervan, 1986)
11. John F. MacArthur, JR. Wayne A. Mack & The Master’s College Faculty, ‘Introduction To Biblical Counseling’, “A Basic Guide To The Principles And Practice Of Counseling”(Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers,1994)
12. Jay E. Adams, ‘Lectures on Counseling’ (Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1978, p.192-203)13. The Holy Bible, New King James version, Women of Destiny Bible, “Women Mentoring women Through the Scriptures” A Spirit Filled Life Bible, Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, Tennessee, Copyright 1982.
14. Deuteronomy becoming Holy People, Stephen D. Eyre, p:32-26; IVP connect, An imprint of Intervarsity Press,
15. Metzeger, Bruce M. (ed); Michael D. Coogan (ed) (1993). The
16. Mitchell, Stephen, 1987. The Book of Job.
17. Stormie Omartin, “The power of a praying wife”, Harvest House Publishers, Eugene 97402; copyright @1997; pgs81-85.
18. Allender, Dan and Tremper Longman 111. Intimate Allies.
19. God’s Good Design, Claire Smith, What the Bible Really says about Men and Women, Kingsford, NSW, Australia, @ Matthias Media,2012; pgs: 157-180.
20. Everett L. Worthington JR. Author of Forgiving and Reconciling, ‘Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling’ A Guide to Brief Therapy; IVP Academic, Intervarsity Press,
